Almost Famous

Mongo goes 4 for 9 (.444) in podium predictions for Milan-San Remo, Tour of Flanders, and Paris-Roubaix. That's only one pick away from Psychic Friends Network employee territory.

(Photo:Sirotti/CyclingNews)

A Sprint Too Far: Retro Douches And Smackdowns

Mongo had an interesting weekend of actual cycling. I returned to the group ride circuit on Friday with LPE, and I put in ninety miles of smackdown-enthused riding on the road bike between yesterday and today. Add to this that the noise situation on Sub-19 has resulted in the conclusion that I need new chainrings, and it's been a full weekend.

The teeth on the rings have worn to the extent that my chain is rubbing on the ramps/pins at the power points on the downstroke...making an annoying clicking sound. I've decided to say f*** it to new chainrings and get a new crankset instead. It's more cost efficient and it also gives me a chance to get some new stuff. Stay tuned for the new crankset announcement.

After a one week suspension by the commissioner for Pit Road speed violations, Mongo did the S.B.F.N.R. once again. It's a great ride to do on LPE because the pace is spirited and the terrain is fairly flat. Though I suffer on any rapid accelerations, my top end speed can match anyone on this particular ride. Finally getting my allergies under control with some black market Zyrtec, Mongo was looking forward to the ride. It was a lot of fun. Mongo tried a solo breakaway with about three miles to go and was reeled in by the aggressive peloton. With about a mile and a half to go, another rider makes a break and no one covers him. Mongo is forced to chase him down...and makes the catch and pass with about five hundred yards to go. Unfortunately, at that point, "Lieutenant" Dan comes around me in full sprint for the win. Oh well...I lost to good tactics.

I don't enjoy the Sunday "smackdown" rides as much as I used to. If truth be told, and it is, there's no real challenge to it anymore. Mongo has officially become a "Brown Belt" in cycling. What this means is that I am faster than all the recreational poseurs and wannabes, but still in the minor leagues of the racing culture. I'm either struggling to hang with the big dogs, or I'm beating the chihuahuas like a rented mule. My only satisfaction comes when I occasionally cross paths with a niche poseur. On Sunday it happened to be the retro-douche.

I thought my day was complete with the disposal of the no shirt, no socks, running short wearing, old-guy, tri-douche on the Cervelo...I was wrong. Instead, my day would be capped off by a showdown with a guy who looked, dressed, and rode the same bike as Mario Cipollini...in 1992! This guy was priceless. I rode up on him at a light as he was telling another cyclist some bullshit about the rarity of his equipment. When the light changed, I eased ahead of the small group of riders and settled in at about 20mph for the final few miles home. Then he attacked...

Long story short, I immediately got on his wheel and after determining that he had nothing to scare me with, Mongo did his patented, "Boonen-inspired", left rear quarter panel draft for a mile or so and then came around him and pulled away on the home stretch.

Tomorrow it's back to the Hammerfest for a little redemption, and probably my last day on squeaky cranks.

Uh Huh...Ok...If You Say So

"I want a new drug

One with no doubt

One that won't make me talk too much

Or make my face break out"

(Huey Lewis)

(Photo:CyclingNews)

The Forgotten American

How about some Chris Horner love? He wins the Vuelta Ciclista al Pais Vasco over some world class competition with a blistering final TT stage win...U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

BTW...AK47 finished nineteenth on GC. (Mongo is seriously considering replacing him as my "Guy" because of his consistent sucking so far this season.)

(Photo:SusiGoetze/CyclingNews)

One Thousand Posts: Made With Bits Of Real Panther...So You Know It's Good

Mongo doesn't generally celebrate milestones, birthdays, anniversaries, or other events that are counted or recorded. That being said, I am quite proud of my little blog's career and the fact that I still enjoy sitting down in front of the computer and spewing out my nonsense.

I could genuinely talk about how therapeutic and cathartic some of my cryptic writing has been for me over the years, but no one wants to hear about that crap. What started out as satirical commentary turned into personal exploration...but at the foundation of it all is still my love for cycling and skateboarding.

Mongo has a number of faithful readers around the country and around the world, (I know who you are!) as well as thousands of people who've stopped by intermittently, and I continue to be amazed, surprised, and grateful.

So...From me, Fred Garvin, male prostitute, and my life-partner, Snacks McGee*, I would like to thank all who have travelled the first thousand with me.

(*) Not his real name.

Lead Pipe Locks: Paris-Roubaix Predictions Sure To Go Wrong

(All Photos:CyclingNews)

Take It To The Limit: Screws

Mongo's road bike, Sub-19, always seems to have some sort of click, tick, or ping going on. Though when I'm riding, most of the racket occurs in the five inches between my ears, I am almost positive that thirty percent of the time there is actual noise coming from the bike itself.

In the past couple of months Mongo has changed wheels on the Sub-19 as well as changing lubes...I've just never been happy with the Magnum/Astroglide interface. Anyway, with the new A.C. Hurricanes I had to adjust my low-limit screw, and ever since then I've had sporadic chain/chainring squeaking. Add to this that my favorite lube, Pro Road , has been discontinued and there really isn't anything that compares to it out there, Mongo has been forced to play the field...but as of yet, I have not been left satisfied.

I did spend a good hour in the garage working on my chainline and setting up the jockey wheels in the most efficient position. Lets see what happens during my next ride on Saturday.

Holy Diver...Farrar Wins Scheldeprijs

(Photo:CyclingNews)

Fest Aborted: Pollen Derails Mongo

For those people who do not live in any number of southern states in this great country of ours, your exposure to pollen and springtime allergies is purely amateurish by comparison. In Atlanta, where Mongo lives, I have to deal with what many consider the worst overall air quality in the country. When April rolls around and the pollen fills the air, going outside can sometimes be downright dangerous.

Mongo has lived in this environment for over a decade, and every year I get crushed at the beginning of allergy season. It just so happened that it started for real yesterday...and Mongo had to go out and do the Hammerfest. In the pollen statistic world, a count of 0-30=low, 31-60=Moderate, 61-120=High, and 120+=Extremely High.

On Monday for the 'Fest, the pollen count was...1633! Today it was 2967! That's more that 10x and 20x what is considered extremely high. Needless to say, Mongo was a wreck and absolutely no good on the bike Monday. I had to give up half way through the ride. My head was pounding and I could never catch my breath...it really sucked!

Undemanding Contact

"People with great gifts are easy to find, but symmetrical and balanced ones never."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Them's Softball Numbers

If there is one thing that Mongo is good at, and luckily for me there are more like two or three, it's betting on mainstream sports. I've managed to to be "Up" my entire career and I have certainly enjoyed the perks of my winnings. This success has afforded me the hubris to believe that I have the same prognosticating skills when it comes to Pro cycling. I'm here to tell you that, well...I do!

After going 1 for 3 (.333) at Milan-San Remo, Mongo picks up the pace and goes 2 for 3 (.666) at the Tour of Flanders...with my third guy, "Slappy" Hincapie, finishing a respectable sixth. Stay tuned for the Paris-Roubaix podium sweep.

(Photo:Sirotti/CyclingNews)

No Downs Were Smacked: The Saturday Charity Training Ride

Mongo had a good day of riding. Instead of my usual "Cat 5 Domination" training on the Enemy Bike Shop Ride, I joined "Boonen", "King-A", and about ten novice'ish cyclists on a training ride for the Tour de Cure. This is an extremely good cause benefiting the American Diabetes Association. If you would like to sponsor our team (Smyrna Bicycles) or just make a contribution, please click on the link above.

What Will $750.00 Get You On Ebay?

"O.G." 1979 SIMS Phase 3 Composite with Gullwing trucks.