When You Get Where You Can't Decide

"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us even in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavour. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts."

(Henry David Thoreau)

Everything You Need To Know



(HERE)

What Does The Future Hold?: Time To Clip In

The 2011 Tour de France is only two days away and Mongo has mixed emotions. Of course, I'm going to watch every second I can on tv, and I'll blog about all of my observations and the results on the road, but I'm very cynical about Contador and the further potential harm to the sport should he (and he should) be found guilty by the CAS and his results are negated for 2011...including a likely podium at the Tour.

Anyway, a whole bunch of guys are going to start the race and somebody is going to win it at the end. So...this is how Mongo sees the top ten on GC shaking out. "Write this down!"

10...Tejay Van Garderen (HTC)
  9...Jurgen Van Den Broeck (Lotto) 
  8...Andreas Kloden (Radioshack)
  7...Sammy Sanchez (Euskatel)
  6...Andy Schleck (Leopard)
  5...Chris Horner (Radioshack)
  4...Robert Gesink (Rabobank)
  3...Levi Leipheimer (Radioshack)
  2...Alberto Contador (Saxo)
  1...Cadel Evans (BMC)

Injury: Adding Insult To Irony

A funny thing happened to Mongo on the way to recovering from my crash...I haven't. My shoulder, which took the brunt of the impact, has continued to cause me a great deal of pain...but only when I have my hands on the handlebars of a bicycle. How's that for sucky?

I guess it makes sense since that was the position I was in when I hit the ground. Anyway, I'm slowly getting better and I stayed off all of my bikes for three days until today, when I did an extremely humid loop on the 23/2300 Hammerfest course, and I didn't cry like a little baby after the ride for the first time since I went down..."So I've got that going for me, which is nice".

Redemption: A Dish Best Served Al Dente

So...Mongo finally has a new computer. I have to admit that it's quite nice to have a modern, fast, machine. The Commodore 64 has served me well over the years, but there seems to be less need these days for my impressive Cobol and Fortran "skillz'.

I thought long and hard about how I would make up for all the lost posts over the past couple of months and the plethora of interesting and witty stories that you, the reader, missed. In the spirit of keeping it fresh, Mongo decided to say "fuck it". My writing on this blog has always been spontaneous, topical, and irreverent...I want to keep it that way.

A quick recap of Mongo's "Cat 5 Domination" training over the last eight weeks...

1...Road Bike: Monday/ Thursday/ Saturday
2...Trainer: Wednesday/ Friday
3... Mt. Bike: Sunday

I've been riding well most of the Spring with improved performances on the 23/2300 Hammerfest and a continued domination of the Cat 6/7 "Enemy Bike Shop" ride...with something like ten straight podiums to my name. And then Mongo crashed last Saturday!

It was a sweet, "big boy" crash that any Pro would have been proud to walk away from. I've had bloodier, and more painful crashes in the past, but this one scared the shit out of me. I hit the ground at 25+ mph, with my shoulder, elbow, and head taking most of the impact. I should have been knocked out and had a broken arm or collar bone. Luckily I am a gorilla of a man with strong shoulders and a hard head. My helmet split down the side, and probably saved my life, and my shoulder is extremely sore, but no bones were broken in the process.

Today, Mongo made a gutsy return to the Cat 2/3/4/5 group ride where the damage occurred merely one week prior. I was joined by "New Bike Every Month" Tom, "Flats R Us" Eddie, and "Piathlete" Jason. I struggled most of the ride because of my shoulder, but it was a source of pride to return to the scene of the crime (the crash was not caused by me) and get some props from the peloton.

Irina Shayk Vs Specialized Venge

Legends: The Real Kind

Chris Miller...(Here)
Lance Mountan...(Here)
Steve Caballero...(Here)
Tony Hawk...(Here)

The Return Of Mongo...Did You Miss Me?

"Don't call it a comeback

I've been here for years

Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear

Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon

Listen to the bass go BOOM

Explosion, overpowerin

Over the competition, I'm towerin

Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops

Don't you dare stare, you betta move

Don't ever compare

Me to the rest that'll all get sliced and diced

Competition's payin the price"

(L.L. Cool J)

The Way It's Supposed To Be

(Photo:CyclingNews)

Dave Z has gotten rid of his porn 'stache, his hippie attitude, his fifth-place finishes, and replaced them with a serious focus on winning races that we haven't seen in years. Though Mongo is a big fan of both porn and hippies, I am happy to see DZ doing what he does best...having the best TT position of anyone in the world, and representing the USA as National Champion.

Facts Trump Fiction

Mongo watched the entire 60 Minutes segment with Tyler Hamilton recounting his doping relationship with Mellow Johnny and US Postal "back in the day". What did I learn?...Nothing that I didn't already believe to be true. It was what happened next that got me thinking.

I turned the channel to watch the conclusion of the Tour of California...which was ultimately won by American, Chris Horner. Mongo likes C-Horn...and therein lies the problem. All my natural skepticism and doubt about heroic performances never came to mind as I watched Horner wrap up the title.

Chris Horner will be 40 years old this year and he just won a major stage race against a world-class field. This is the biggest victory of his career, at 40, and he works for the same Director and team structure that cloaked Mellow Johnny and Tyler Hamilton . Hmmm?

I hope Horner is clean. Statistics, logic, and good old common sense say otherwise.

Under The Bus: Throwing Mellow Johnny

Eveyone likes being right...and Mongo is no exception. To know that what is true for you is true for all mankind is a sign of genius...says my good friend, Hank Thoreau. So, what I'm trying to say is that Mongo is a genius.

Why, you might ask? Well, because I've been saying for years on this very blog that MJ is a smug, lying, cheater, who would eventually get his comeuppance. Most have defended him, but Mongo knew there were many skeletons is his missing ball closet.

Now it looks like professional doper, and Kelly Leak lookalike, Tyler Hamilton, is about to go on 60 Minutes and admit to witnessing and participating in illicit activities with MJ back in the US Postal days...such as injecting EPO, blood transfusions, and surprisingly, killing a hooker and burying her in the desert.

Courtesy Of L'Equipe

Let Mongo Break it down for you...

(0-1) You're clean
(2-5) Questionable abnormalities/ probably doping
(6-10) Definitely doping


0... Mario Aerts, Yukiya Arashiro, Stephane Augé, Michael Barry, Francesco Bellotti, Jose Alberto Benitez, Edvald Boasson Hagen, Lars Boom, Maxime Bouet, Pavel Brutt, Fabian Cancellara, Manuel Cardoso, Dries Devenyns, Samuel Dumoulin, Julien El Farès, Simon Gerrans, Anthony Geslin, Bert Grabsch, Christopher Horner, Robert Hunter, Kristjan Koren, Burt Lancaster, David Le Lay, Christophe Le Mével, Adriano Malori, Koes Moerenhout, Amael Moinard, Lloyd Mondory, Damien Monier, Juan Jose Oroz, Remi Pauriol, Mathieu Perget, Gregory Rast, Mark Renshaw, Nicolas Roche, Jurgen Roelandts, Pierre Rolland, Anthony Roux, Jeremy Roy, Mathieu Sprick, Rein Taaramae, Sebastien Turgot, Niki Terpstra, Brian Vandborg, Kristof Vandewalle, Ivan Velasco, Thomas Voeckler, Fabian Wegmann, David Zabriskie

1... Marcus Burghardt, Sandy Casar, Anthony Charteau, Sylvain Chavanel, Julian Dean, Mickael Delage, Martin Elmiger, Johannes Fröhlinger, Jakob Fuglsang, Robert Gesink, Xavier Florencio, Adam Hansen, Ryder Hesjedal, George Hincapie, Andreas Klier, Roger Kluge, Alexander Kuchinsky, Daniel Lloyd, Mirco Lorenzetto, Martijn Maaskant, Aitor Pérez, Alan Pérez, Jerome Pineau, Ruben Plaza, Alexandre Pliuschin, MaartenTjallingii, Rafael Valls, Maarten Wynants

2... Eros Capecchi, Mark Cavendish, Stephen Cummings, Remy Di Gregorio, Arkaitz Duran, Mathias Frank, Oscar Freire, John Gadret, Francesco Gavazzi, Volodymir Gustov, Thor Hushovd, Christophe Kern, Thomas Löfkvist, Sebastien Minard, Daniel Navarro, Grischa Niermann, Stuart O'Grady, Rubén Pérez, Christophe Riblon, Thomas Rohregger, L. L. Sanchez, Carlos Sastre, Fränk Schleck, Simon Spilak, Bram Tankink, Stijn Vandenbergh, Benoit Vaugrenard, Jens Voigt, Eduard Vorganov

3... Ivan Basso, Grega Bole, Brent Bookwalter, Dimitri Champion, Gerald Ciolek, Rui Costa, Damiano Cunego, Mauro Da Dalto, Francis De Greef, Markus Eibegger, Imanol Erviti, Tyler Farrar, Fabio Felline, Juan Antonio Flecha, Maxim Iglinskiy, Vasil Kiryienka, Roman Kreuziger, Matthieu Ladagnous, Robbie McEwen, Maxime Monfort, Sergio Paulinho, Joaquin Rodriguez, Andy Schleck, Chris Anker Sörensen, Sylvester Szmyd, Paolo Tiralongo, Amets Txurruka, Johan Van Summeren, Gorka Verdugo, Charles Wegelius

4... Lance Armstrong, Janez Brajkovic, Bernhard Eisel, Cadel Evans, Pierrick Fédrigo, Juan Manuel Garate, Andriy Grivko, Jesus Hernandez, Ignatas Konovalovas, Sebastian Lang, Levi Leipheimer, David Millar, Daniel Moreno, Serge Pauwels, Manuel Quinziato, Luke Roberts, Samuel Sanchez, Christian Vande Velde, Nicolas Vogondy

5... Alessandro Ballan, Matti Breschel, Alberto Contador, Cyril Gautier, Inaki Isasi, Sergei Ivanov, Vladimir Karpets, Alexandr Kolobnev, Karsten Kroon, Steve Morabito, Benjamin Noval, Jose Rojas, Nicki Sörensen, Alexander Vinokourov, Bradley Wiggins

6... Linus Gerdemann, Christian Knees, Egoi Martínez, Alessandro Petacchi, Francesco Reda, Mauro Santambrogio, Geraint Thomas

7... Jeremy Hunt, Andreas Klöden, Tony Martin, Christophe Moreau, Michael Rogers, Wesley Sulzberger

8... David De la Fuente, Ivan Gutiérrez, Danilo Hondo, Matthew Lloyd, Iban Mayoz, Dmitriy Muravyev, Rinaldo Nocentini, Daniel Oss, Kevin Seeldraeyers, Kanstantsin Siutsou, Jurgen Van Den Broeck

9... Denis Menchov

10... Carlos Barredo,Yaroslav Popovych

This Is Embarrassing

(Photo:Bettini/CyclingNews)

The only innocent person in this photo is the little girl on the bottom right...and I can't even prove that for sure. As far as I know, she might be like the character in the movie "The Orphan"...a thirty-something, Eastern European gypsy, masquerading as a cute child. Who really knows these days in the world of Pro cycling?

What I do know is that the two podium girls surrounding Alberto "The Pistol Is In The Pinto" Contador are dirty! (Spelled with a "U" and two "R's") They are looking at each other like a couple of strippers who are about to do something naughty...with each other. Contador is just the poor schlep who is stuck paying for the champagne and cocaine. Trust me, Mongo knows strippers!

Anyway, Contador is leading, and will probably win, the Giro d'Italia with a doping case pending on appeal. Should the CAS rule against Contador, then all his results from the date of the Clenbuterol-tainted urine sample onward will probably be negated. That would include this Giro d'Italia. Woo Hoo! I'll bet the race organisers are thrilled.