Wednesday, February 29, 2012

They Might Be Giants: Built To Shred

"Let not a man guard his dignity, but let his dignity guard him."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

What Will $2326.51 Get You On Ebay?

"O.G." 1970's Z-Flex, Jay Adams "Z-Woody"...undrilled.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Races Won And Efforts Given

It was a great weekend for Mongo and the entire Smyrna Bicycles team. Mongo returned from my Pit Bull mauling and got a victory on Saturday at the Cat 6/7 "Enemy Bike Shop" ride, while team members, "Cap'n" Clay, "Full" Gass, "MC-Lean", and "Fuji" Tom, took their skills to "Perry Roubaix" and managed multiple podiums.

Big ups to "Full" Gass for his timing-chip, sprint win in the Criterium, and to MC for his classy move in letting his breakaway partner take the win in the Road race after doing all the work.

Also...congratulations to the "Danimal" on competing in, and completing, one of the hardest Cyclocross/Mt Bike races in the southeast..."Southern Cross". It's going to be a great year!

Cutting To The Chase: Self Shout-Out


Mongo was just one pick away from being drafted into the super secret, "Men Who Stare At Goats" division of the PFN. With my correct prediction of Boonen and Flecha in second and third, only Gilbert prevented a prognosticating trifecta.

It was good to see Heinrich Haussler getting back on form, but once again Mongo was extremely disappointed with the podium girls. C'mon Europe...step your game up! This is how we do it in the good ol' a shitty Continental race.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Predictions Sure To Go Wrong

Based on Mongo's in-depth analysis of the maiden "Classic" of the season, which involved mostly scanning the start list and the winners from previous years, I came to some conclusions.

Unfortunately, I forgot those conclusions, so I'm just going to wing it.

1st...Phillipe Gilbert (Safe/smart pick)
2nd...Tom Boonen (Something to prove)
3rd...Juan Antonio Flecha (I like saying his name)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

74 Toupe

“One must maintain a little bittle of summer, even in the middle of winter.”

(Henry David Thoreau)

My Afternoon Ride: You Might Need Google Earth To View

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Best American Cyclist...Get Used To It

Seriously?: Nice Beaver


I could say a million mean yet witty things about the podium girls "every year" at the Volta ao Algarve...but I won't. Just answer me this...ARE THERE ANY GOOD LOOKING WOMEN IN PORTUGAL?

Who Knew?: Oh That's Right, I Did


Peter Velits, one half of the genetically cloned Velits brothers, captures the Tour of Oman and continues the early season winning streak for Omega Pharma-Quickstep.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

At Least Portugal Is In Europe, Isn't It?: EBH Get's On The Board


Mongo stated last year, on this very blog, that Edvald Boasson-Hagen was my favorite current Professional cyclist...this has not changed.

The kid, at 24, has all kinds of game! Sprints, Classics, solid TT efforts, TDF stage wins...he does it all.

I think one of the main reasons I like him is that he reminds me a little bit of Mongo's "all time" favorite cyclist, who also happens to be the greatest American cyclist of all time...Greg Lemond.

(That's right...I said it! What?!)

Saturday, February 11, 2012

You Can't Outrun Your Past


Well...A Win Is A Win


Surprise!...Tom Boonen won the Tour of Qatar for the fourth time. I would normally laud my own influence in securing this victory by mentioning my endorsement of OPQS a mere three weeks ago and their ensuing victories here and in the Tour de San Luis...but I won't.

For whatever reason, Boonen has dominated this sham of a race...which is bankrolled by billionaire sheiks for their personal pleasure while huge appearance fees are secured by the riders and teams to ensure a quality field. So...I'm not taking too much stock in it as a predictor for Boonen's season.

Irina Shayk Vs Beistegui Hermanos G5

Thursday, February 9, 2012

So...This Happened

I know that most cyclists viewing this photo for the first time are probably feeling both horrified and amazed....Horrified by the fact that my legs are so hairy, and amazed by the size of my sweet, Cat 6 calf.

Oh...and I got attacked and bitten multiple times by a Pit Bull while cruising on my skateboard.

Let me address the most important issue first...the reason my legs are not shaved.'s Winter and I enjoy the extra warmth during the off-season, and B...I have a tradition of shaving the day before my first "official" race of the year so my legs are extra silky-smooth and aerodynamic.

So here's what happened...I was bombing hills in the neighborhood when I cruised past a couple walking two dogs. As I went by I heard barking, and shortly thereafter, screaming. When I looked back, I saw the girl struggling to hold her dog on the leash and then...he broke free and the attack was on.

It's a strange feeling to know something very bad that hasn't happened yet is about to happen...and there's no way of stopping the inevitability. I was thirty yards ahead of the dog and going about 15 mph, while the dog was closing in on me at about 20 mph with bad intentions in it's eyes. I had about 4 seconds to decide what to do.

I planned on bailing out in someones yard and trying to defend myself before the dog got to me. But...right before my ollie to ninja-stance, he hit me in the calf and dropped me like a baby Gazelle. After that, there was about 10 seconds of biting and me elbowing the dog in the face before the owners got to me and pulled him off.

Overall, I was bitten three times on the shoulder and back, once on the calf, and have some really bad scrapes and bruises from the actual fall from the skateboard onto the pavement. The shoulder bite is worse than the calf, but luckily a very thick hoodie prevented any flesh being torn. The worst wounds are fairly deep punctures. If Mongo wasn't the kind of person who's had tons of crazy shit happen to me in my lifetime then this would definitely be the craziest. As it stands now, it is certainly the most surreal and unexpected source of pain and injury that I can remember.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Anything Is Possible Through Skateboarding: Weezy And The Biebs Having A Sesh

Click (Here) to see one of the greatest displays of skateboarding of all time.

Dude...It's So Worth It

Hilarious!...(Click Here)

Adios: You Got Off Lucky


Though Mongo would have loved to have seen Contador get the hammer and start his suspension from ground zero today, because up until now he hasn't missed any action and therefore wasn't really suspended, I think the decision by the CAS was the correct one for the integrity and longevity of the sport. (53 word opening sentence...I'm on fire!)

What's really going to happen is that he will only be physically suspended until August and all his results going back two years will be stripped...including a Tour and Giro win. Too bad, so sad!

This is what needed to happen.

On The Other Hand: It's Amazing What You Can Get Away With If You Retain The Highest Priced Most Politically Connected Lawyers