Saturday, January 31, 2009

Super Bowl Haiku

Wagered a hundy
I took the Steelers gave six
New Vittorias?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Hey Mister Golden Deal...

Mongo is getting sick of writing about negative things. It's so easy to point out what's wrong, but what is right in the world goes largely unnoticed. Smug indifference sometimes needs to be tempered with cold hard truth.

After stopping by the shop today and chatting for a while with Boonen, "Doo Doo" Brown, Jello, and Alp d'Huez Mike, I put in a quick 25 on Ol' Lightnin'. I've been dragging a cold around with me for the past week, so my energy level and motivation are zero.

For some unknown reason, after I limped up the final climb into my driveway, I decided to change clothes and take a few runs in the backcountry on the fresh pow. I threw on my Vans and some jeans, mounted the Alva, and hit the slopes.

On the way back up the hill from one of my more technical runs...I met Hank. Though it was the first time we had officially met, Hank and I had seen each other dozens of times. Even exchanging a wave or a nod now and then. Until today, Hank was always on his front porch watching as I rolled by at high speed. I never knew whether he was shy, scared, or just unsociable. Today though, as I walked by his house, he rolled out to greet me.

I have to be honest, I really didn't know what to expect. I was really just shocked he was approaching me. At first he asked me my name and why I wasn't wearing a helmet...then he asked if I'd ever been hurt and how fast I could get going. He then told me how much fun it looked like I was having every time he saw me go by... and how much he envied me. I was floored!

You see, what I haven't told you is this. I learned today that Hank is 86 years old and a Veteran of WWII. He was in the Pacific theatre and fought at Guadalcanal. Because of war injuries, he is paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a motorized wheelchair...and he envied me!

God bless you, Hank!...You deserve the perfect shred.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Mean That In A Good Way

Mellow Johnny finishes 29th at the Tour Down Under. Though no Tour of California, this event did nothing to scare, or excite for that matter, those fans who are drinking the Armstrong Kool-Aid.
Mongo still predicts MJ will "not" start Le Tour. Some mysterious injury, or the old birth of my child out of wedlock excuse, will allow him to fade away after a disastrous and embarrassing Giro.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Echo Of A Solitary Siren

"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
(Henry David Thoreau)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Same As It Ever Was Haiku

One was found guilty

The other two are assumed

Does anyone care?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Hall Of Famer

Mongo's blogger profile tops the mystical, 3000 hit plateau.
When contacted about this historic achievement Mongo said, "What's a plateau?"
Thanks to all..."Keep on keepin' on!"

Bringing Smug To The People

It wasn't that long ago that douchiness in cycling was contained to a few small groups.
First of all, there are the actual "Pros". These guys are coddled prima donnas living the rockstar lifestyle....but they deserve it. In order to be at the elite level, you have to eat like an anorexic supermodel and train year round as if your life depends on it. I'm cool with a little European snobbery every now and then.
Secondly, we have the triathletes. With their inappropriately short bibs, single purpose bikes, over developed abs, and disdain for drafting...they're just weird. Most are reluctant to engage with you if you run across one, but it always feels good to pick one off.

Finally, the most consistent source of my disdain...the weekend warrior on a pro level ride. These guys come out once a week, usually in groups of three or four, wearing their corporate kits, not riding very fast, and talking like they're on a recovery ride from a double century the day before.

This brings me to my point...
The Powertap hub is starting to become fairly common among serious cyclists. And by common, I mean one large just for the hub and computer. Now anyone rockin' a PT has the potential to up his or her D.Q. (Douche Quotient)

There are virtually limitless "zones" in which one can be training, and the excuses for bad performance are endless. You can actually say things like, "I'm not supposed to exceed 300 watts today." Then you get to go home and keep track of it all using fun, colorful, graphs.

Disclaimer...This does not include Shady Brady and Alp d'Huez Mike.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Is That A Torque Wrench In Your Pocket?

Swimming Through Apologies

“You said I was special because I was chosen
Was I the runt of the litter or the alpha male?
You spread your love equally with no distinctions made
Why couldn't you understand my special needs and fears?
You captivated me with fantasy while I manufactured my reality
Where were you when I started hiding in my mind?
You raised me with crisis and instability as playmates
What was the life you intended for me?”

Thuggin' And Thumpin'

Bringing something a little different to the game.

Look At Me...Look At Me

In the spirit of the "Hollywood Years" of his brief retirement, when MJ was nailing actresses and singers and looking in the mirror a lot, he has decided to adopt what he believes is a local orphan with glandular problems.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hail To The Chief

''One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.''
(Neil Armstrong)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Has Mongo Lost His Juice?

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody shows up for the group ride...can anyone hear you scream?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Check Out The New Pipes On Robbie *

A win is a win...but I've seen tougher competition at a WNBA shootaround!
*(Doping Alert #1)

The Strength Of Street Knowledge

"Always do what you are afraid to do."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

We Need A Montage

The very first Ghetto-Pimp in Professional Skateboarding...I give to you "The Muska"...Then and now.

Time To Sharpen The Claws

"Will you still need me, will you still feed me, When I'm sixty-four?"-th
Yeah, it was a Crit. and didn't really mean anything, but...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Burn Out Or Fade Away?

Just when I think that the present day skateboarding culture is being driven by uneducated, interchangeable, stoner/boozer retards, and the companies that make money off of them, I found a couple of nuggets of sanity in the latest TransWorld skateboard magazine.

In two separate interviews, Mike Vallely, Christan Hosoi, and Jim Greco talk candidly about success, failure, redemption, drugs, and what skateboarding means to them.

For those of us who love skateboarding, and also have a few miles under our trucks, we understand that being a skateboarder is not what we are, but instead, part of who we are.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Revolution Will Not Be Winterized

Thirty five degrees...Twenty two miles...Chapped lips.

Takin' it to a hoe nuvah levul!

Mercury Falling: Haikuna Matata

I'll ride tomorrow
It's bound to be warmer then
Who's up for some lunch?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm Not Dead Yet

Though not as exciting as getting a fifth place result in a field sprint at the Tour, E-Zab and his German homie, Leif Lampater, take it to the hizzy at the Six Days of Bremen.

Here To Stay... Gone Tomorrow

Press Release from Michael Ball Re: Rock Racing
Posted Jan. 13, 2009
"Rumors of Rock Racing’s untimely demise have been greatly exaggerated. The team is proceeding with a full racing schedule of domestic racing in 2009 and is actively pursuing any and all opportunities related to racing outside the United States. I am committed to my team and my riders are committed to making Rock Racing one of the most exciting teams in the pro peloton. Our key riders will all be returning and will be ready to compete against the world’s best. We thank our fans for their continued support of Rock Racing." 

The writing is obviously on the wall... Shady business dealings with Baden Cooke and Ivan Dominguez, along with Rock & Republic's own financial troubles, lead Mongo to believe that Rock Racing will not survive 2009.

Monday, January 12, 2009

And The Only Prescription Is...

An all-star cast showed up today for the Smyrna Bicycles Silver Comet Trail Recovery Pace Hammerfest.
Of course, all bets were off during the final miles of the ride. The group of ten split in two, and Mongo was lucky enough to be in the breakaway. I held on, barely, until the end, where I crossed the line in third.
In reality, my main strength as a cyclist is that I'm a today's ride was really in my wheelhouse. When the Hammerfest hits the hills, the results will most surely be different.

My Schnitzel Brings All The Boys To The Yard

Nothin' says "sexy" like a healthy, Bavarian woman, bounding like a Deer over snow-covered obstacles.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Wisdom is a funny thing...Life's experiences provide a perspective that is earned through the temperance of youthful exuberance. Our self-preservation comes with a price. We are expected to leave behind the dangerous exploits and explorations that fueled our imaginations, but in doing so, we lose a piece of our humanity.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Quadreginti Quinquagesimus

Asterix, Obelix, & Dogmatix...Mongo's early influences.

Are Those Indys?

For the same price as this Louis Vuitton skateboard and custom case, you could get yourself approximately fifty five, Pro-level, complete setups. Tough choice, huh?
The only thing I'd be grinding on this board would be a key of Peruvian at my beach house in The Hamptons.

Friday, January 9, 2009

It's Nature's Way

Shortly after hearing about the official Mongo endorsement, VDV begins marking his territory...starting with the team bus.

My New Ride

1. High quality Chinese Titanium frame
2. Advanced optical magnification
3. Aftermarket faux Alligator skin case
If you have to ask how can't afford it!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Son Of Flubber

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
(Hunter S. Thompson)

Meanwhile...Back At The Ranch

I have a good feeling that 2009 is going to be a big year for Mongo. I've already started it off with a bang by deciding to grow my hair out. To most people, this wouldn't seem like a big deal...But considering I have been closely shaved since an unfortunate, hallucinogen-fueled, sideburn trimming accident over seven years really is. So, I've got that going for me...which is nice.

The bigger news though, is that today, Mongo is announcing which team and GC rider he will be supporting throughout the Grand Tours. This is a very difficult decision for many reasons. Mongo's favorite cyclist, AK47(Andreas Kloden), rides for what, on paper, seems to be an unbeatable team. The problem is that he'll never win anything substantial as the fourth wheel behind El Pistolero, Mellow Johnny, and Li'l Bronze Medalist. Unless, of course, he goes Bandit..."Reynolds Style!" Though I will continue to support AK47's individual achievements...I 'aint supporting Astana.

So where does this leave me? There are many cyclists that I respect, but they are spread around among many different teams. When you look at the list and lineup of Pro Tour teams, there are actually very few that have the makeup to win the Giro, Tour, or Vuelta. My decision finally came down to which rider I really liked and thought had a legitimate chance to win with the team assembled around him. And he couldn't ride for either of the "Chemical Brothers".

Before I announce my selections, let me just say that an official shout-out from Mongo has more juice than a nod from Oprah's Book Club...It's that powerful. So I hope the newly anointed take this power and run with it. It would be a shame to waste.

I didn't have to go to the far corners of unshaven Europe to find my guys. The best candidate was right here at home. With a powerhouse lineup(Yeah, TTT !), a GC contender in his prime, and the dorkiest Team Director around, Mongo is proud to announce his full support of Team Garmin-Chipotle and the man himself, Christian VandeVelde. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Best To Keep Things In The Shallow End

“Engulfed in the constraints of chosen liberties
Released with the promise of inner tranquility
Allowed to define the boundaries of despair
Surrounded by the sounds of muted revelation"

Hey Man...Is That Freedom Rock?

"Yeah, man!"
"Well, turn it up, man!"

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Smackdown '09: "The Refreshening"

Though Mongo had a strong ride on the 1st with Boonen and California Clay, not to be confused with Georgia Clay, I had yet to partake in my first smackdown of 2009.
Winter has not been berry berry good to Mongo. I have managed to remain consistent with my Ben & Jerry's intake, but my cycling output has been spotty at best. Let's just say that I'm using my club-fit jerseys a whole lot more these days. Weather, work, laziness...have all played a part in retro-shaping my body, but I have run out of excuses and it's time to get down to business.
I saddled up Li'l Pony Express this morning with the expectation of doing a quick 30 in the drizzly, crappy weather. Instead, I did a warm up 20 with the legend herself, Diane, and when she kept going and I turned around, I got tangled in a four-way showdown that lasted fifteen miles.
1. Smug older guy on a Cannondale Tri bike w/ ill-fitting ten year old aero helmet. 2. Douchey weekend-warrior on a Litespeed w/ equally douchey obscure corporate kit. 3. Scrappy out of his element guy on a Novara w/ clip-on aero bars. 4. Mongo
With all the water and crap on the ground, Mongo and LPE got dirtier than a Tory Lane DP scene... but we never backed off. At the end of the ride, Mongo crossed the line alone.
My legs hurt and I'm really tired...It feels great!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Rastaman Vibration

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our minds"
(Bob Marley)

This Just In...

Robbie McEwan is still a douchebag!
The start of the Jayco Bay Cycling Classic was delayed almost two hours because they had to wait on McEwan's plane. I guess he already cashed his appearance fee check.
Hey's an idea. How about showing up a day or two early for races and not acting like a prick to the press?

Friday, January 2, 2009

Chrome Fork Cannondale Guy

"I'm fascinated by the sprinters. They suffer so much during the race just to get to the finish, they hang on for dear life in the climbs, but then in the final kilometers they are transformed and do amazing things. It's not their force per se that impresses me, but rather the renaissance they experience. Seeing them suffer throughout the race only to be reborn in the final is something for fascination."
(Miguel Indurain)

Farrah Is Goofy

Mongo is overwhelmed with nostalgia. My first board was a Bahne...and my first boner-poster was Mrs. Lee Majors in a red swimsuit.
This sweet little mini, only 24" in length, with o.g. Kryptonics and mint Bahne trucks, never hit the reserve on Ebay. I'm in for up to $120 if it lists again.
FFM looks like she's riding this exact board. Mongo also had those Nike kicks in both the red and blue swoosh.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Hmm...I'm Not Sure

Anyone who calls themselves a skateboarder has a built-in hatred for any kind of offshoot or hybrid of what would be considered a traditional skateboard. "If you can't skate a pool on it, it 'aint no skateboard."(Styles Powerslide)

With that being said, check this out...It's called the SoulArc...and you can skate a pool on it.

Mongo Danger Pusher

A wise man once told me, or maybe it was a fortune cookie, that what you do on the first day of each new year will reflect and influence your path over the coming year. So...considering my middle name, I spent all night and today with a couple of hookers and an eight-ball.
No, no, no...I'm just joking!...I couldn't afford an whole eight-ball.
All kidding(maybe?)aside. A brisk, sunny day and a solid, 40 mile ride with plenty of climbs and fast descents...It might be a good year after all.

Happy New Year

Mongo and Snacks*, along with our worldwide corporate partners, would like to wish everyone a healthy and joyful 2009.
Keep your grip tape clean and your chain lubed...Mahalo!
*(Not his real name)