Tuesday, December 30, 2008

First And Meade

Fresh from a successful campaign in '83, as the number one starter for the Santo Domingo Jankees of the Dominican League, Mongo went on to college and was virtually "unhittable" for years.

Belgian Waffler

Mongodamus had a down year in '08 with his prognosticating. As a matter of fact, if anyone named Vito comes looking for me, tell him I moved to "the islands."

With the '09 season right around the corner, there's no better way to clean the slate than with my first bold prediction.

Breakthrough Rider Of The Year*...Stijn Devolder

*(As long as he doesn't abandon the Tour again like a little girl)

Florida Haiku: NPW

Crossroads in our lives

The joy of the adventure

A smile touched my soul

Monday, December 29, 2008

Just An Observation

Based on his posture, blank stare, and gas station quality "El Pistolero" logo hat, I think it's safe to say that the guy on the right can't f***ing stand the guy on the left.

My Eyes Really Suck: Part Dew

So there I was this afternoon, out for a fast 30 on the Silver Comet Trail, when I had to pull over momentarily for a quick rear derailleur barrel adjustment.

I was re-mounting Ol' Lightnin' when a guy flew past me on a TT bike. Of course I had to give chase...but as I drew closer, I thought I recognized both the bike and the rider. I formulated a plan to draft unnoticed, and then drop the hammer and give him shit as I passed.

This would have been a great plan except...it wasn't my friend on his Blue T16 that I'd been following for two miles...rather, some random dude on a Cervelo P2C.
I've aged ten years in the past week!

Banana Seat Casanova

"S'up baby...You wanna take a ride on my chopper?"

Papa Needs A New Pair Of Shoes

Mongo retires the Vision kicks and gets a pair of new-school Vans for the upcoming '09 S.B.F. season.
(Mine are all black with white trim and laces)

Holy Crap...It's Happened

Over Mongo's brief history of time on this planet, I have been very lucky in regards to illness and serious injury. Knock on wood, that will continue, but there are still many unavoidable byproducts of aging. Though hair loss and dick stiffness seem to be at the forefront of our society's collective consciousness,(Sorry Alzheimer's!) I want to talk about eyesight...Mine!
After years of denial, and a group intervention on my behalf, Mongo purchased his first pair of reading glasses. I couldn't ignore the fact that reading and working on the computer were straining my eyes. When a friend of mine let me try her glasses, it was amazing how much better I was able to see up close... I had forgotten what clear vision looked like.
Of course...I had to get the black, Titanium, wire-rimmed model. I'm pretty sure the frame is made by Lynskey.

Friday, December 26, 2008

3000 MPG

"The bicycle is the perfect transducer to match man's metabolic energy to the impedance of locomotion. Equipped with this tool, man outstrips the efficiency of not only all machines but all other animals as well."
(Ivan Illich)

Funkmaster Z-Flex

It was only a matter of time...
Mongo predicts an early, Latino domination of the Neon-Lowrider skateboarding scene... Until, inevitably, the Japanese decide that they want in, and go all "Tokyo Drift" on their culos.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

What's In A Name?

It's name has been used for a Heavy Metal rock festival as well as a certain Bike shop group ride. Literally translated, it means..."Rocks that are good for tying up ships."
Hammerfest, Norway.
Bringin' the noise since 1838!

Tuck In Your Shirt

"Officer...I know that to you I may look like a no-good punk, who's probably on the dope...but I can assure you that I am, actually, a Professional skateboarder."

He Looks Like More Of A Hawk Guy

J.C. hittin' the slappy rail at the White-Pearl skatepark.

The Kid's Got Style...But He's A Little Hairy

Easily...the best Judo-Air kickflip ever caught on camera...indoors...at an unsanctioned event...by a non professional.

Superman Air To Bar Spin 540

Mele Kalikimaka

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Speaking Of Training...

"It never gets easier...you just go faster."
(Greg LeMond)

The Wrath Of Khan

Though heavily camouflaged, here is a spy photo of the 2010 Hybrid SUV from Chrysler... mandated under the Federal bailout agreement.

In the spirit of the legendary Cordoba, the driver's seat is made from only the finest "Corinthian" leather.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Cycling Apparel Or Snuff Film Accessory?

Six brave members of the Smyrna Bicycles crew suffered the thirty five degree temperatures today and got a sneak peak at the '09 "To Be Named Later" Hammerfest route. They were...Boonen, Mongo, Irish Brian, Jello, Clay, and Young Jimmy.
A new points system takes effect next year, involving Sprints and KOM. So unless Mongo can lobby successfully for some kind of age/weight/drug use/ handicap, I'll be battling for fifth place points all year...if I'm lucky.
The new loop is great...Fast and technical, without the severe, spirit-crushing climbs from this year's route, but instead, longer sustained rises that force you to either sit and spin or stand and hammer.


That right, Lars...you're only two breasts away from looking like "Ice" from American Gladiators.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

These Words Ring Hollow...

“My dreams expose the chaos in my mind
My vessel seeks a harbor but the sextant fights the clouds
My heart is filled with longing for the love I think I need
My soul has been touched by God yet uncertainty remains”

A Name In Your Recollection


Russian Internet Hormones

Mongo rolled up on a couple of dudes today on the back half of a very cold 35 miles. What struck me immediately, as I pulled along side them, was that they looked like Penn & Teller... on S-Works Tarmacs.
Fat and huge, and short and tiny, were both wearing Caisse d'Epargne kits and riding red and black Specialized bikes...it truly was an odd sight. Anyway, I was drawn specifically to Teller's bike, because he happened to be rockin' Rotor cranks.
If your not familiar with Rotors, the technology is very similar to Biopace, except it costs five times as much, and instead of oval chainrings, you get tangential crank arms. Sweet, huh?
I won't bore you with the details of the science behind Rotor cranks and Biopace chainrings other than to say this...If there was one shred of provable evidence that either technology was even slightly better or more efficient through the entire range of gears, then every professional cyclist would use them. (R.I.P. Bobby Julich's Biopace chainrings...The last Thylacine is dead!)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Trees Will Bend

"People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.”
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I Am Not A Crook

The technically difficult, and rarely used, Richard Nixon victory celebration.

Good Times

This picture reminds me of the night I was doing "brown-brown" with a tribal warlord in Liberia.

Freedom From Choice Is What You Want

“When I strayed they followed… but there was no understanding
Separated from a heritage of fear and confusion
Unfairness spread with equal thickness on anyone close to the jar
Inevitable or avoidable…do you know how to listen?”

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mongo's Future Wife

Mongo is a sucker for a hot chick with a British accent. Luckily for me, I've scored the trifecta with all of the above...and she's a World and Olympic Champion cyclist.
"Hmmm....Victoria Pusher...Victoria Pendleton-Pusher...Victoria Pusher-Pendleton...it doesn't matter."

Seven In Dog Years

Mongo Pusher would like to thank everyone who has participated in my self-indulgent rabble over the past year.
I look forward to providing you with more rabble in the future.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's Not The Arrow...It's The Indian

There's a funny thing that all road cyclists do when they get passed. We look at the bike before we look at the rider. It's as if we are looking for an excuse for our performance based on equipment. If they're riding a Time VXR with Zipp 404's, then you don't feel so bad. But if it's a rusty Univega with clip-on aero bars, flat pedals, and a gel seat cover, well...you've got bigger problems.

Old Timey Metal

There's nothing sadder than watching a bunch of dorky, forty-somethings, sitting around on TV discussing Heavy Metal music with musicians, who themselves, are at least in their fifties. Actually, what's even sadder, is that I've managed to catch all four episodes of the new "That Metal Show" on VH1 Classic. (It's actually a pretty good show...Jim Florentine is hilarious)

I have to face the fact that I am also one of the relic metalheads from the '80's, who if given the opportunity, will gladly listen to Lita Ford babble about stupid shit because...she rocks!...and I still want to bang her.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Hah Row

After almost a year to the day since it's inception, Mongo has decided to change the cover page and infuse some "zazz" into this blog.
Sure, there was symbolism in the old photo, and the new one represents certain things known only to Mongo himself, but..."ain't the cullers purdy?"

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Taken By The Seamless Vision

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."
(Henry David Thoreau)

The Spirit Of Cousteau

For all that the Internet is or isn't, everyone can agree that this reverse-engineered alien technology is a magical tool for information gathering and topical exploration.

Such was the case today when I went to the Zero Gravity website to "gather information" on their new Gravitas carbon fiber brakes. Already the makers of some of the coolest, lightest, and most expensive CNC brakes on the market, ZG now makes the coolest, lightest, and most expensive carbon fiber brakes as well. At 156 grams per pair, these bad boys will only set you back one large and two bills...that's $1200.00 for those of you not familiar with hip street lingo. Anyway, my point is this...

When I was on the Zero Gravity website, which is very smooth and has a a vibe like a Tool video, I noticed several links to other projects by ZG owner, Ted Ciamillo. At forty years old, Ciamillo is an inventor, an entrepreneur, an engineer, a visionary, and very rich.

He has parlayed his ZG fortune into the study and development of underwater propulsion. Using the science of Biomimetics, which allows man-made systems to replicate the movements of Dolphins and Whales, Ciamillo has already invented, and has planned, some amazing things.

If you want to check out some cool shit, click...Here

Monday, December 8, 2008


The orange and white street barricades pushed to the side of the road should have been the one and only warning I needed...but I rolled in anyway.

Mongo doesn't like to brag, but I am easily the premier suburban-backcountry-freeride skateboarder in my neighborhood. I am obligated to shred the gnar at high speeds and under all sketchy conditions. My street cred is constantly being judged by joggers, dog walkers, amazed old people, and the occasional hot chick.

After two days of back to back cycling, in very cold weather and on a new saddle that's not dialed in yet, I was feeling sluggish, lazy, and sore when I got up today. My plan was to watch TV, eat, nap, and repeat if necessary.

Then I started watching the 2008 Pro-Tec Pool Party on Fuel...and it was on! Nothing gets me more hyped to skate than watching legends and pros shred the Van's combi-pool. Miller and Cab dominated the veterans, while Glifberg and Hassan led the pros. But it was the full body slam by announcer and former pro, Dave Duncan, after getting hung up on a roll-in, that made me want to bundle up and skate. If this forty five year old fat guy can walk it off and continue shredding, then I had no excuses.

Everyone's Drinking The Kool-Aid

This will be my last post on the "Mellow Johnny comeback"... until we see some race results.
I am sick and tired of everyone from Levi to Popovych to Bruyneel, and now even my boy AK47, jumping on his jock.
Armstrong has been nothing but smug since joining Astana. He pre-supposes that because he is not being paid for his services, and that he is wearing his Livestrong kit for training and photo ops (Cancer Awareness), that no one will think he's a douchebag for walking into someone else's house and re-arranging the furniture to suit his own taste.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

It Only Took Thirty Two Years...

...but we'll take it!
The East Carolina Pirates are the champions of Conference-USA.

If You Don't Hear From Me Again...

...It's because I'm about to go riding in sub-freezing weather.
Though it goes against everything I stand for, being cold and miserable for starters, Mongo is obligated to get in a ride this morning because...I'm getting fat!(ter)
I will leave a trail of breadcrumbs and tears in case anyone needs to look for me.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

When The Mic Is Off

"Heh, heh...just remember that I can snap you in two, you little Mexican."

"Huh... Que dices?... Soy Espanol!"

"Whatever papi, I've got my eye on you."

What Was Wrong With Giant?

Team Columbia check out their sweet new Scott rides at the opening day of training camp in Spain.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

And Here We Go

We are witnessing the genesis of what will become the greatest soap-opera in pro cycling...ever!
I really hope AK47 goes renegade, "Bandit Style", and screws up Bruyneel's plan to toss Mellow Johnny's salad all the way to more fame and fortune.

Monday, December 1, 2008

What's With The Dancing Bear Tramp Stamp?

Appearing in what might become the benchmark photograph for the ugliest combination of team kit, bike color, facial hair, and full body tattoos ever rocked by a professional cyclist...Kayle Leogrande, of the "Here to stay"(For now) Rock Racing Team, gets a two year suspension for EPO.


I love this one...
The only man in pro cycling who can make Johan Bruyneel look like a less "weasely" option as a Team Director, learns firsthand that Karma is a bitch.
Saxo Bank-IT Factory just lost the ITF part of their sponsorship because... the company had to file for bankruptcy because...the President of IT Factory disappeared in Dubai with eighty five million dollars embezzled from the company.
I'm thinking that a fatter, balder, Mathew Mcconaughhey would be perfect to play Riis in the movie.