Saturday, May 31, 2008

I Can See Clearly Now

Mongo picked up a pair of these the other day. Rightfully called The Hammer by North Face, these babies are a sweet addition to my cycling eyewear arsenal.

BTW...I paid $29 at Marshalls. They retail for $80. Mongo knows bargains.

Son...Are You On The Dope?

Oh, really!?

Emanuele Sella, of the powerhouse and much traditioned CSF Group Navigare cycling team, won his third mountain stage of the Giro. He also finished second in the first ITT...Hmmmm!?

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Jenerator

Fan and peleton favorite, Jens Voigt, wins Stage 18 in style with a solo breakaway out of the group breakaway with 35k to go.

This guy is considered a big power rider at 6'2" 167lbs...Are you f***ing kidding me? Mongo's 6'2" 220lbs...He's 53lbs lighter than me.

If Mongo dropped a bag of cement in weight, I'd be unstoppable. I'd probably be in rehab...but I'd definitely be unstoppable.

Cold Comfort For Change

“ Spatial tunnel vision

Amoeba petrie dish

Vertical hold reception

Kanata sailfish lake”

Up On Cripple Creak

Ever since Mongo unceremoniously snapped his sweet Specialized carbon fiber seatpost and replaced it with a Ritchey aluminum WCS post, I have been haunted by the high-pitched screams and yelps of the Mouse of the Baskervilles emanating from below my nether regions.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

You Are Only Coming Through In Waves

"I stoke the fire with the irons of my youth
Who is that person in my stories?
I broke my back on the troubles of my youth
Why do I continue to live in my head?
I soak the wounds from the lessons of my youth
Was I really there or is this a vanilla sky?"

Rest Day For Mongo And The Giro

Mongo's been working extra hard on the bike lately. I've ridden five out of the last seven days, and have logged over 200 miles in the process.
Intervals, climbs, speed runs, various smackdowns...I've done it all. With Speedo season right around the corner, it's time to turn it up a notch.
That being said, I'm really tired and am going to take a couple o' days off.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Frickin' Contador

Looks like "The Condor" is positioning himself for a run at winning the Giro. After the first mountain stage, he's in second place only five seconds off the lead. Mongo's guy, AK47, is in sixth, 1:11 back.
Team politics will come into play if Contador doesn't falter, and Kloden will be S.O.L. for the win.
I'm thinking maybe a pump through the spokes, like in Breaking Away, might be helpful.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Petacchi Who?

Daniele Bennati is the man...3 Giro stage wins so far...and he's continuing the legacy of excellent Italian sprinters.

I Got More Rhymes Than Abe Vigoda

The name of the game in Mongo's cycling world has changed. No longer is it good enough to just go fast over rolling terrain with a few mild hills thrown in for good measure. Now I'm expected to be able to climb five mini Alp d'huez's over the course of a 25 mile loop.

Let's just say that Mongo's no Frank Schleck in the weight department. Hauling my chiseled 220lbs up a mountain 'aint no easy task. If you've watched professional cycling lately, you'll notice that the only people in the peleton over two hundy are the guys on the motorbikes. So you see that my task is daunting.

I've decided that the only way I'm going to be competitive as a climber is to adopt the Marco Pantani Training Method.

I will be moving out of my house and into a hotel on a river somewhere. I will talk to no one and have everything delivered to me. I will follow the nutritional guidelines of the 1980 East German Olympic Team. I will ride the steepest hills every day and develop the lungs of an Argentinian gaucho. I'll start dating a hot European model.

If all of this doesn't work, then I'm thinking about a new 12-28 cassette.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Master Of Puppets

The only genuine representation of skateboarding and it's grassroots culture that is shown on television today is fronted by one of the baddest, bad asses of all time.

This reformed thug(The Muska incident, among many others) has a connection with the universal soul of skateboarding. He is able to communicate "the shred" with children and adults alike, and his street cred is unmatched.

Mike Vallely...Keepin' it real! (Drive... on Fuel TV)

Don't Let Your Mind Tell The Story

“ I climb the mountain of self discovery
My Sherpa yields the load
The summit ascent holds a dangerous line
Exposed to the will of the clouds
Mortal pride sends fire to my lungs
Darkness closes in
The success of my mission
Redemption of my sins”

Monday, May 19, 2008

A Couple Of Guys Riding Along

" zat Contador eez hurt, maybe vun off aahs can vin!"

"Fo shizzle mein nizzlehof...Does my bike look really tiny to you?"

Given The Dog A Bone

After eating a big slice of humble pie on Saturday, Mongo went out Sunday morning for an easy training ride. I didn't want to go too hard because I needed my legs for tonight's weekly Smyrna Bicycles Classic.

On the back side of an eventless 40 mile ride...I got my mojo back.

I was passed, this time only going about 19 or 20, by another dude on a tri bike. Only this time, I knew he stood no chance.

He was riding a Scattante (Performance house brand with a fancy font) with clip-on aero bars, and his saddle was too high. But he was pedaling his little heart out as he went by me.

There's a move perfected by my buddy Boonen that is designed to crush the spirit of any weaker rider or poseur. All you need to do is ride closely at your opponents figurative left rear quarter panel. This way you show them that without drafting you can match their speed, and by never coming around, they will inevitably speed up to the point of collapse. It's kind of a douchebag move but sometimes its fun to watch an opponent crumble.

At the end of a futile mile or two, Scattante Boy turned around and told me he "Didn't mind trading pulls". Isn't that convenient!

I told him thanks, but that I was on a time constraint...and then I dropped the hammer.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

A Lead Role In A Cage

“Quietly wasting the weapons of distinction

Brain tranquil in acceptance but overwhelmed with possibilities

Sustain the levels of dosage while avoiding interaction

Reminders exposed in uncomfortable ways”

I Got Worked

Mongo got the rare reverse smackdown today from a world class triathlete. I'm thinking at least semi-pro.
How could I tell he was serious threat rather than a well disguised weekend poseur? There were a couple of dead giveaways.

First of all...he passed me like I was standing still. I was probably going 24 when he blew by me. Secondly, he wasn't riding a Cervelo or Trek TT bike. It was a Quintana Roo (old school tri brand used by racers), all carbon'd out with HED wheels. Thirdly, he was built like a strong safety but wearing the "gayest" unitard I've ever seen. Also, the obligatory full aero helmet and shoes with no socks.

All of this added together equals Iron Man Champion 2006. I don't feel too bad for only hanging for five miles.

Caught In The Crossfire Of Childhood Distortion

“Renewal surrounds the crumbling frame

Soaked in the spray of youth and discontent

Misunderstanding gives way to a journeyman’s nail

A hull sculpted from memory and given life with a word”

Thursday, May 15, 2008

One Fiddy

Front foot pushin' since 1978!

Layin' Some Knowledge

It's been a while since Mongo has offered up some mechanical advice or speed here's one that'll serve you well.
If you have bearings with removable shields, you only need two products to keep you going fast. Clean Streak metal prep and Triflow lubricant. Trust me...the Swiss 'aint got shit on me. Word!

What's With The Eyebrows?'ve got two hot chicks showin' you some love, you're leading the Giro d'Italia (temporarily)...try not to look so gay!
AK47 is sitting pretty in 17th place with two weeks to go and no contenders ahead of him. Di Luca is a few minutes ahead and riding well, but his LPR team 'aint gonna hang in the mountains.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


If truth be told, and it is, Mongo likes to loosen things up every once in a while and go au natural underneath a pair of jeans or khaki shorts. It's a back to nature kind of feeling, unencumbered by the constraints of our modern society.

When Mongo goes out for a serious training ride, how serious I am is always determined by whether or not I'm hooked up to my NASA engineered array of computers, heart rate monitors, and impeccably matched Italian cycle wear. It shouldn't be this way. Last week I decided to make a change.

For the past three or four rides, I have purposely done without computers, stylish clothing, and my usual low-level smugness...and the result has been wonderful.

The only heart rate zones I had to worry about were beating and stopped. My speed was determined by how many Treks I passed. My cadence was tied only to how pretty and fast the girl next to me was going. It was simple...but it's like a lucid know it won't last.

This morning, Mongo planned on going for a quick 40 before his afternoon engagements, and it was like the past week never existed. Out came the HR monitor, out came the wireless computer, out came the new Italian jersey, out came the carbon fiber shoes (because they match the new jersey)...W.T.F! Innocence lost overnight.

Anyway, I was saddled up, looking good, ready to go...and it rained! I have to believe that God has a sense of humour and was reminding me of the simplicity of an unencumbered life.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Erik Zabel Has A Huge Head

Daniele Bennati holds off Erik Zabel for the stage three win. The Giro now leaves Sicily and moves to the mainland.
Surprisingly... nobody got whacked.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Saint Anger

“Rainbow expectations… moonlight contradictions… years in the dysfunction
Tomorrow illustrations… angry confrontations… tears in reconstruction
Drunken confessions… imagined solutions… wake me when the coast is clear
Quiet confusion… subtle delusions… take me when the ghost is fear”

Mount Rushmore

Three of the greatest and most influential skateboarders of all time. If you don't know who they are, not only are you lame, I don't want you on my blog.

Who Doesn't Like Hot Chicks?

Mongo's taking a slight detour from my usual prose to give some props to a friend and fellow blogger... and rising star in the world of sexiness.
Check out Corban here starting next Sunday.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Money Shot

Dirk Digler and the upstart Slipstream-Chipotle team continued their recent dominance in the TTT and won the opening stage of the Giro. American Christian Vande Velde is in the Maglia Rosa.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Friday, May 9, 2008

Eighty Feet Of Waterline

“Asphalt sea…speckled with waves of pretention

Asphalt sea…where are the mothers of invention?

Asphalt sea…blinded by the shimmering haze

Asphalt sea…home to a creeping malaise “

Gee Row Day Eye Talia

The Three Amigos from Astana are all headed to Italy to win their biggest race of the year. Contador...Leipheimer...Kloden...who will it be?
If there's any justice in cycling, Kloden will win. If Bruyneel gets involved in team politics, Contador will win.

Do I Have Vertigo Or Am I Just Retarded?

Mongo re-cleated one of his pairs of cycling shoes yesterday and went for a little ride. All was good until I decided to stop by the shop and talk to Boonen and 8-Bike Brown.
Forgetting to put on my semi-gay, yet highly effective cleat covers, I proceeded to slip in a cartoonish, slow motion way on the smooth floor of the bike shop... and fell on my left knee and hip.
It could have been worse. My face narrowly missed smashing a bike stand thanks to what can only be described as a subconscious Matrix maneuver.

Thursday, May 8, 2008


They don't make 'em like Jason Jessee anymore.

Jumping The Shark

"You may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one."

I Can't Drive 55

A cycling buddy of the whole Smyrna Bicycles crew, we'll call him Gary, because that's his name, recently had a very bad accident that will keep him off the bike indefinitely.

Mongo knows firsthand how debilitating and demoralizing a bad crash can be, and wishes Gary a fast and healthy recovery.

"Chicks dig the long ball...and scars!"

Raise The Roof

Luke and the boys would be proud..."Fo' life homie!"

Jam Another Dragon Down The Hole

“What does he see as he looks out the window?
Does he understand his place in the world?
What is he saying beneath the motion and sound?
Is the truth lost in his language?
What does he hear from beyond the closed doors?
Does he feel an unexplained yearning?
What price does he pay for comfort and isolation?
Is he trapped in his velvet cage of awareness? ”

Monday, May 5, 2008

Beyond Thunderdome

Since Mongo's group ride has evolved from a spirited pace to an all out battle royale, I've had to modify my training accordingly so that I peak every Monday at 6pm. I call it my Carmichael-Puerto Training System. Here's how I do it in three easy steps.
1. (M-Sat.) Change nothing.
2. (Sun.) Ride my Mt. bike loaded down a heavy as possible.
3. (Mon.) Watch TV until about 3pm and then ingest/inject massive quantities of coffee, Rockstar, and truckstop speed.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

My Skateboard Is Freakin' Fast

As a cyclist with multiple bikes, I have a good sense of speed in a variety of conditions and situations. I also have computers on all my bikes in case I leave my sextant and Navajo instincts at the house.

I'm able to achieve 30-40 mph on my skateboard, quite easily, on the hills in and around my neighborhood. That's flyin'!

Safety and sanity aside...It feels awesome going that fast!

L L Cool K

"Would you ladies like to touch my monkey?"

Holy Moses

Kloden Wins Tour De Romandie!
Astana gets invited to the Giro d'Italia.
Mongo's going riding.

Friday, May 2, 2008

That's My Boy

Look who's in yellow at the Tour de Romandie!
AK47 wins the ITT... and leads up and comer, Thomas Dekker, by five seconds on GC.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Good On Ya'

Robbie McEwen, the Kawasaki Ninja of sprinters, wins stage two in the T.D.R...AK 47 is in sixth on GC, only ten seconds back.