Tuesday, September 30, 2008

My Bad

There have been some grumblings permeating throughout the peleton of the S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L. Hammerfest recently, and unfortunately Mongo is at the center of the controversy.

Apparently, Mongo's circulation is so good that it causes me to perspire just a little bit more than most people...and as a result, the riders behind me are treated to a constant shower of said good circulation.

If truth be told, and it is...I sweat like a convict working a chain-gang...in Alabama...wearing a flannel jumpsuit...after six cups of coffee...in July!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Keepin' The Dream Alive

Mini mongo pusher throwin' it down on a street course...It can be done.

Sunday, September 28, 2008


"Ha, ha, ha...I almost kissed you on the lips!...Would you like me to kiss you on the lips?"


"Ha, ha, ha,...I'm just kidding!...No really, would you?"

I Need A Case Of Magnums

Alessandro "Big Ballin'" Ballan is the winner of the Mr. World cycling competition. Damiano "Where have you been?" Cunego is the first runner up...and in case Ballan cannot fulfill his duties over the next twelve months as World Champion, like gettin' jiggy with every hot piece of Supermodel tail he comes across, Cunego will be required, and happy, to take over.
B.T.W.- Mongodamus did predict Ballan to be on the podium...my other two predictions finished side by side in 37th and 38th.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

That's The Part That Weighs Me Down

“Widen the gap between was and could be
Loosen the grip on remnants of belief
Strengthen the bridge over now and should be
Harden the foundation beneath unfiltered grief”

Why Is Everyone Retiring?

The Little Cricket Deli Owner is one upping my boy Zabel and moving to his condo in Boca after tomorrow's race.
At 34, and still at the top of his game, he says he is at peace with his decision to retire.
I really hope he's not just staying one step ahead of the next wave of riders who are about to be busted for CERA.
You know who hasn't retired?...Mongodamus!
My podium for the World Championships are...Boonen-Valverde-Ballan

Friday, September 26, 2008


Just when Mongo's "Let Erik Win" campaign was picking up steam, the old man has decided to retire after this Sunday's World Championships.
You know what that means fellas...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Good Ol' Days

Mongo's favorite cyclist, Greg LeMond, is either the sport's only consistent proponent of truth and absolute transparency when it comes to doping...or he is the biggest dick in the world.
GLM called out Mellow Johnny at his press conference today, claiming that Armstrong's personal "Dopestapo", (I'm trademarking that by the way) Don Catlin, uses outdated methods and is being paid by Astana...causing an obvious conflict of interest.
Mongo is with LeMond all the way. He has never been afraid to stick his neck out in the pursuit of cleaning up the sport, and he has never suffered legal retribution for his words or actions.
I know GLM has a personal axe to grind with MJ, but..."The truth don't lie!"

Speed Is All You Need

Mongo has been concentrating on his climbing skills over the last couple of months due to the extreme pressure of the weekly S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L Hammerfest. It's kind of like an Economics exam in college. If you show up unprepared, you can't fake your way through it.
The result has been an exponential improvement in my ability...and my abs have gone from a no-pack to a single tall boy to a four-pack of wine coolers.
The downside to all this climbing has been a big reduction in my speed work. I've put in the miles, but not too many 10-15 mile 23+ mph "smackdown" rides. Today I got back on track.
In honor of the metal of choice for USA Cycling, Bronze, (Nice job, Dave Z.) Mongo took down a Marco Pantani lookalike and a Tri-poseur at the same time. Pantani got dropped with about one mile to go, and I out sprinted unitard to the line.

Do You Know Me?

I was once one of the best professional cyclists in the world...that is until I got busted in Operation Puerto.
I lied about my involvement, then admitted some involvement, then denied knowledge of other involvement. Finally, I was told to go away for two years and get my story straight.
I am Ivan Basso...and me and my man-purse wearing self are back!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Price Of Originality

1983 Duane Peters Santa Cruz board with Indy's and OJ's.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Look Who's Douching It Up

Humility can only last so long when you are Alberto Contador. Fresh of his Vuelta win, El Pistolero is talking shit!...Not only about the possibility of Mellow Johnny joining Astana, but also about his teammate, Li'l Bronze Medalist.
Apparently, he won't play second fiddle to MJ...and LBM didn't work hard enough for him during the Vuelta. Shut up ya' crybaby!
Mongo is really surprised at Contador's inner little girl. Didn't he win two of three Grand Tours this year? He has intimated that he'll take his sulking and Breathe-Right Strips to another team if all doesn't go his way.

Monday, September 22, 2008

On The Shoulders Of Giants

"Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."
(Henry David Thoreau)

When It Doesn't Matter Anymore

"Is that chick with the nice rack still looking at me?"

Way To Go Guys!

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Shetland Pony

I have to hand it to the Li'l Bronze Medalist, he's changed my mind. Mongo has always respected his game, but I was unwilling to put him up there in the American Cycling "Scrappy" Hall of Fame...until now.
Leipheimer wins the final TT and cuts 21 seconds off El Pistolero's lead. Without team politics, I am convinced that LBM would have won the Vuelta. He sacrificed himself on a couple of mountain stages for Contador when he was probably the stronger rider of the two.
Instead of sabotaging the team plan of riding for the Bandito, and also what I'm sure is a huge paycheck from Astana, Levi did the next best thing and won both TT's...and will finish in second place only 46 seconds behind Contador and over three minutes ahead of Sastre in third.

Friday, September 19, 2008


AK47 needs to step it up tomorrow in the final TT of the Vuelta. He's hanging in 21st right now, but top 15 is not out of the question.

LBM trails Frito Bandito by 77 seconds...and is not likely to improve on that since the course is all uphill.

A possible spoiler for Sastre and Valverde (3rd and 4th) is star on the rise and solid climber, Robert Gesink.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

And Not To Pull Your Halo Down

“What does he see as he looks out the window?
Does he understand his place in the world?
What is he saying beneath the motion and sound?
Is the truth lost in his language?
What does he hear from beyond the closed doors?
Does he feel an unexplained yearning?
What price does he pay for comfort and isolation?
Is he trapped in his velvet cage of awareness?”

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Negotiations In The Peleton

"I'll give you two bananas, a back rub, and I'll polish your Bronze Medal for some of that water."

Boonen...Didn't You Get The Memo?

"Let Erik Win!"

Monday, September 15, 2008

All The Kids Are Doing It

Stage 15 winner of the Vuelta, David Garcia, with the newest victory celebration...It's called the "Excuse me Professor, I need to leave class...I'm about to hurl the cheese fries and Jagermeister from last night."

Don't Call It A Comeback...

...'cause I've been here for years.
After missing the last two rides due to bad weather and some off the grid, Rocky IV style training, Mongo made a triumphant return to the S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L. Hammerfest.
The Marco Pantani method is finally paying off!

Just Like The Podium At The Tour...

...only not so much!
The winning Team Livestrong at the 12 Hours of Snowmass mountain bike race.
The dude on the right looks like he's fourteen.
MJ was able to extract some sweet revenge on his nemesis, Dave Wiens. That's got to feel good...finally beating someone who is older and less accomplished than you are.

She'll Take This Seriously

It's no Tour of Georgia, but VDV wins the Tour of Missouri.
Team "Leave No Witnesses" used tough team tactics to make VDV earn this win.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Ay Yay Ya Yay...

It's a good thing that you're the man...because that whole Breathe Right nasal strip/ Frito Bandito look is pretty ridiculous!

El Pistolero wins again today...LBM hanging tough in second.

I'll Leave The Tip

F.Y.I.- Two cups of coffee/ one Clif bar/ one 16oz Rockstar/ one Coke Zero/ are not enough fuel for a fast 55 mile ride...I'm feeling a little "crampy".

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Lance Who?

Alberto Contador, whose nickname is El pistolero del Pinto, or in English, The gun is in the Pinto, wins Stage 13 and takes lead in the Vuelta.
Kloden and Li'l Bronze Medalist both sacrificed themselves to set a furious pace up Angliru. Contador then showed why he is the best climber in the world when he dropped Sastre and Valverde on the way to the top.
Unless Contador suffers an unexpected mishap, he will be the leader from here on out and the eventual winner of the Vuelta.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Remember The Titans

"O beautiful for patriot dream that sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam undimmed by human tears
America America God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea"

I Don't Know Why...

...But I've never really liked Paolo Bettini. There's really no good reason for it, but I never give him the props he deserves.(It's probably because he looks like a 48 year old Deli owner... whose name should be"Nicky")
He has proven over and over that he is among the top five riders in the world at single stage and one day races. Granted, the race conditions that suit his skills aren't numerous, but when presented with the opportunity he usually closes the deal...like today.
AK47 gets some KOM points today...moves up to 19th

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Hey Ladies...I'm Back

VDV wins the TT at the Tour of Missouri and takes the lead.
He should be able to hold onto it for the remaining stages and get the overall win.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
I can't wait for him to kick MJ's ass next year at the Tour.

It Would Be Funny If It Wasn't So Sad

Mongo has had enough! After much joking about the size of Erik Zabel's head and his propensity for top five placings other than first, I have decided to start a movement on his behalf.
In the same vein as the very successful "Let Levi Ride" campaign, which enabled the Li'l Bronze Medalist's supporters to sell many tee shirts and bumper stickers, Mongo is announcing what I hope to be an equally ambitious project..."Let Erik Win"
In my opinion, the peleton owes him one. He's old, he's still good enough to be in the mix at the end, but he 'aint gonna win on his own. C'mon guys...Toss the big headed, photo consuming, old man a bone!
Oscar "I'm going to win the World Championship" Freire wins Stage 11, edging out Tom Boonen. It's also good to see J.J. Haedo back in the fray.

Living In A Different Reality

“ How much does freewill cost?
Can I shed my apathy and discover a purpose?
Will I spend my life sustaining a myth?
Do I invest in the truth or sell the lie?”

Look Ma...No Hands

It's no Tour of Georgia, but Mark Cavendish continues to dominate the sprints at the Tour of Missouri.
Quality field or not...he is a winner. It doesn't hurt to have the best lead out team in the world behind you in Team 25 G's a Key.


After finishing second to a dude who is older than he is in a 100 mile mountain bike race, and claiming that the pace of the 2008 Tour was "slow", Mellow Johnny has made it official...and wants some attention.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Nightmare On Trek Street

So there I was last night, in the middle of a great dream involving Italy, a girl, cycling, and some sweet lovin', when I was rudely interrupted with a completely different dream.

It's that same feeling you get when local news cuts into your favorite show at a critical moment with breaking news that's really not that important...but they spend enough time on the story to ruin whatever you've just been watching.

Well...my little fantasy o' pleasure turned into a horror story.

I dreamed that Mellow Johnny, tired of middle of the packin' it on the marathon circuit and one ballin' it on the A-/B+ celebrity young chick circuit, was dusting off his smug ambivalence and at age thirty seven returning to road racing with Team Astana.

I awoke in a cold sweat.

It's not like that would ever happen!?

One Of The Good Guys

A true professional, and probably the most overlooked American cyclist ever, Bobby Julich, has retired.

Mongo watched Julich warm up for the TTT at the Tour of Georgia this year, so I'm glad I got to see him rockin' the Biopace one last time. Thanks for the memories.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Back On The Block

"Would you ladies like to touch my Bronze Medal?"
Letle Viride regains the lead after Stage 8. It's just a matter of time before Contador drops the hammer but...Levi may have it turned up to a hoe nuvah levul...you never know!
Valverde and Sastre are also hanging tough...AK47 is up to 19th.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Gorilla In The Mist

Like the hairy Silverback that he is, Alessandro Ballan does his best Jane Goodall and wins today's stage... and takes the overall lead(temporarily).
The winner of the Vuelta will be one of these five guys- Contador/ Sastre/ Valverde/ Li'l Bronze Medalist/ Chavanel.
AK47 has jumped from 64th to 23rd.

Excuse My Language But...

"Hell Fuckin' Yeah!"
ECU-24 (#8)WVU-3

Thursday, September 4, 2008

A Sad Cafe

“Save me a dance at the end of the night
A slow one… maybe some Journey
You’ll look into my eyes and I’ll think of all the times
The warmth of the human touch
Tomorrow changes everything when we live for today
Restructured dreams with a variable rate
I’ll look into your eyes and you’ll think of all the lies
I hear them playing our song”

Don't Forget To Bring A Towel...

It never ceases to amaze me...the stupidity of, and the disregard by, motorists whenever they encounter a cyclist on the road.

Though, by law, we have the right to be there, most experienced road cyclists go out of their way to minimize obstruction of traffic...for some morons, this isn't good enough.

Cursing, honking, driving by much too closely, these are all commonplace reactions by agitated, over zealous drivers. I've also found that cars will give cyclists too big of a berth and find themselves in the other lane facing oncoming traffic.

So...for all you SUV driving, cell phone using, think you are more important than you are, self-absorbed, fat f**kers...Blow me!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Donde Esta La Biblioteca?

Showing that he was more than just a "smog" time-trialist, our own Li'l Bronze Medalist wins the TT at the Vuelta...and is the overall leader.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Ak47 is 64th

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

No Hablo Ingles

Boonen-Bennati...Bennati-Boonen...AK47 crashes...Zabel's head a factor in both photos...Valverde best placed GC contender.

Agriculture And Smoking Cigarettes

Beanie in August...check. Unbathed...check. Badass sneer...check.
A fair depiction of Mongo and his injury from Sunday. The difference being that my damage is on my left elbow and this dude has better stickers on his board.
"Styles, thanks for bringing not only sexy back from Woodward, but also the injury mojo." It was a classic slow-mo Piedmont Ditch style slam.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Uh Ohhh!

Look who just won the 2008 USA Cycling pro road championship... It's the dude that looks like the dude who played that guy Kelly Leak in Bad News Bears and Moocher in Breaking Away...O.G. Doper, Tyler Hamilton.

Rock Racing is going to have a field day with this one. I can't wait for Michael Ball to design the Stars & Stripes Skull Jersey for Hamilton to wear proudly at the Tour of Hoboken.

BTW...Danny Pate(who came in third)claims that drug testing efforts by USA Cycling are well below where they should be. He said he was never tested after at least a half dozen top ten results this year.