Thursday, July 29, 2010

Irina Shayk Vs Time VXRS Ulteam

Too Good To Be True


It's funny how liking or disliking a particular cyclist can sway ones willingness to suspend disbelief or rush to judgement. Mongo is consistently critical of riders who I don't like and that I'm convinced are cheating. On the other hand, I leave some of my favorites alone until the inevitable hammer drops. Is this fair and balanced? No it's not.

Mongo still likes to think of himself as an idealist. I want things to be the way they "should be" or "could be", rather than the way they "are". Though Mongo is most definitely not naive in the ways and realities of the world we live in, I choose not to be a hopeless cynic.

It's good to have heroes...and to believe in the transformative effects of sport and human endeavour. We raise ourselves up when we see what can be possible.

That being said...after enjoying his renaissance performance for the past three weeks and purposely ignoring that little voice in my ear that was telling me what I didn't want to hear, Mongo has to address the fact that there's no way that Petacchi did what he did without cheating. The authorities seem to agree with me and are intent on proving it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Repeat Thwarted: Mongo Second In Paris

"I knew early on in the race that I probably wouldn't have the legs to win." (Mongo Pusher)

Therefore, it was equally unlikely that Mongo would "Two-peat" as champion of the Tour de France (Fantasy League). But...I soldiered on...just like a true professional fantasy cyclist is supposed to do.

And...with consistent stage wins and a team victory to go along with my sparse GC results, Mongo rallied late and just missed out on the top of the podium by seven points.

Though it was close, it wasn't really that close. I have a lot of fantasy doping to do.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

That Binds A Life For Life

"We are not what we are, nor do we treat or esteem each other for such, but for what we are capable of being."

(Henry David Thoreau)

L**ce A*ms**ong Is An Asshole (Allegedly?)...Among Other Things


Mongo could spend hours eloquently dissecting everything I find distasteful about Mellow Johhnny...but I won't. He will get his, sooner or later, much like a fellow Texan did when he lied to Congress and and the world and watched his reputation and Hall of Fame career go down the toilet under the weight of inscrutable evidence against him.

I intend to focus on the "Team Kit Fiasco" of the final stage and podium.

On the surface it may seem harmless or even like RadioShack was unfairly treated for trying to wear unofficial and incorrectly numbered jerseys. After all, supposedly the intention was to raise awareness for Cancer research by highlighting the number of people (28 Million) who are suffering with Cancer in the world today. A noble thought on the surface. But was that really all it was? Or...was Armstrong, in his own smug way, trying to upstage Contador, stick it to his detractors by acting like an entitled, spoiled child, and keep himself in the spotlight under the unassailable cloak of charity.

1...RadioShack/Armstrong never asked Tour organisers for permission to wear the special kits.

2...All RadioShack riders signed in for the final stage in their regular kits.

3...They showed up a the start line in the Livestrong 28 kits.

4...Race organisers said "No fucking way" and made them change.

5...The start of the stage was delayed fifteen minutes.

6...They changed back into the banned kits for the Team Champion presentation.

Go away, Lance!...Most of us won't miss you, and you probably need to spend some time with your team...your criminal defense team.

The Return Of One Of The Best Of All Time


Not you, "Frito Bandito"...


Friday, July 23, 2010

Winning Breeds Winning: Mongo Takes Field Sprint At Friday Night Ride

The weekly turnout at the SBFNR is like a good seafood gumbo. The ingredients always vary, but the end result is usually tasty. I have to imagine that due to the heat index being in the 100+ range today, our turnout was particularly small. As a matter of fact, the peloton never swelled above six riders.

On the final few kilometres (That's European for miles) of the home stretch, the key players in the final result were Mongo, Boonen, Darell, and a creepily effeminate, South American dude on a Serotta.

Mongo played the strategy game well. All the other guys attacked and were covered, and when we hit about 300 metres (That's European for yards) to go, Mongo channeled his best Petacchi and took it to the hizzy!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Regal Beagle

"A man is a method, a progressive arrangement; a selecting principle, gathering his like to him; wherever he goes."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Monday, July 19, 2010

I Had Nothing: Hammerfest Haiku

Heart rate through the roof

No lungs and very dead legs

What the fuck happened?

You Play To Win The Game

Enough already!

If there's one thing that we as human beings know how to do, it's to project unrealistic expectations, ethics, and values onto others so that when they inevitably fail in their perfection and succumb to their humanity we can gather in a mob, either literally or virtually, and behind a curtain of insecurity and lack of self-awareness, criticize their shortcomings and trumpet our own moral high ground. (Pretty long sentence...68 words...Impressive!)

That being said, Mongo is down with what Contador did today. Schleck attacked, missed a shift, and dropped his chain. If he had fallen, been interfered with, or gotten off his bike immediately, I would tend to support the "tradition" of not attacking the Yellow Jersey under these circumstances. The fact is that he was still moving forward on the bike trying to re-engage the chain when Contador went past him.

Yes...Lance waited for Jan, and Jan waited for Lance, but those were completely different circumstances. Oh, by the way, I don't remember Lance waiting for Joseba Beloki.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Launch Ramp To Slappy Rail

I'm Beginning To Like Andy Schleck

...Not to win the Tour de France, but as a dude and a bike racer.

He is showing a great deal of moxy and confidence in the face of all the "experts" saying that Contador will eventually win.

Even though Mongo also believes in that eventuality, A-Schleck is carrying himself like a champion and using savvy strategy to contain far.


Riding The Storm Out: I Needed To Clean That Anyway

Back when Mongo lived in Miami, during the Summer months, you could set your watch by the afternoon thunderstorms. Every day around three a storm would pop up, dump some rain, and then it would clear up. The rest of your day was good to go.

Here in the ATL, the summer storms are random and frequent. Just when the ol' Doppler is telling you the coast is clear, thirty minutes later there is a monsoon ruining your ride...Which is what happened to me today.

I've only ridden once since the "Noah's Ark" edition of the 23/2300 Hammerfest last Monday. I did a medium forty on LPE on Thursday, and because of rain and work all week, today was to be another 40+ ride. Mongo only got in six miles...with two of those miles in the kind of weather that shuts down an airport.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

What Will $420.00 Get You On Ebay?

Original, 1978, Wes Humpston designed Dogtown deck with Tracker trucks and Yo-Yo Pro wheels.

Cheaters: Always Looking Over Their Shoulders To See If They've Been Caught


Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Wondered What Rhea Perlman Was Doing These Days

One of these people is a national hero and the greatest champion in French cycling history...The other person is Bernard Hinault.


The Tour De France Needs More Of This...(And By This I Mean Chicks Who Would Normally Be In Ibiza This Time Of Year)


...And We'll Do It Again

(In German) "Yeah, I taught Renshaw the headbutt. Whaddya gonna do about it?"

"Oh...kick him out of the Tour. My bad!"


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Call It Aftermath

"An efficient and valuable man does what he can,
whether the community pay him for it or not.
The inefficient offer their inefficiency to the highest bidder,
and are forever expecting to be put in office."

(Henry David Thoreau)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Damn You Doppler Radar

It almost didn't happen...And though it ended up being pretty fun, it probably shouldn't have happened. I'm talking about, of course, the 23/2300 Hammerfest.

Apart from having a wide range of cycling talent on the Smyrna Bicycles Cycling Team, from Pro level to Snow Bunny level, we also have quite the plethora of amateur meteorologists. Prior to any ride, computers are alive with Al Roker disciples. Once the "Go for launch" signal is given, we can be pretty sure that there will be no rain.

Mongo won't go into the "technical" side of forecasting weather over the computer, but let's just say we got it wrong tonight. It was too bad because we had a nice turnout..."Big" Willie, "Little" Steven, "My reign as Hammerfest Champion is almost over" Clay, "Just got engaged" Boonen, "MC-Lean", "Danimal", "Snow Bunny", and a bunch of other guys, were all there. Noticeably absent was "Frady" Brady.

It poured like a mofo for at least half the ride, and braking became merely a suggestion when the levers were engaged. Everyone rode sensibly, and we eliminated several high-speed downhill sections. Mongo did manage to lead out the Sprint, but I faded with about 150 meters to go and was passed by... pretty much everyone.

One of the downsides to riding in the rain is how messed up your bike gets. Dirt, grease, liquefied brake dust, road scum, all find a way to get fused to the bike. I spent a good half-hour with the hose and some citrus degreaser after I got home.


Mongo has just learned that "Danimal" crashed on his way home tonight..."Damn you, Doppler radar!"

Who Needs A Hawk When You Can Have...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Let's See What You're Really Made Of

Well, well, well...isn't this interesting!

Mongo won't gloat on the fact that his least favorite cyclist has no chance of smelling the podium or even getting a top ten placing after all his crashing and whining in the first week of the TDF.'s where it gets good.

Will he suck it up and ride for the "Li'l Bronze Medalist", who is solidly positioned in eighth, or will he abandon the Tour in a couple of days like the punk-ass-bitch that I think he is and claim that his injuries make it impossible to continue? We shall see...but Mongo's money is on the latter.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

Getting Back On The Dog That Brung You...Or... Running With The Horse That Bit You

Did the 23/2300 Hammerfest loop today for the first time since "The Crash" a couple of weeks ago. The Sub-18 is still in dry-dock for repairs, so I've been riding LPE exclusively.

I'm feeling pretty good and should be ready to make a triumphant return to the rear-middle of the peloton this coming Monday.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Erik Zabel Haircut...

...Giving over-the-hill sprinters/dopers/champions one more chance to shine in the spotlight.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Josie's On A Vacation Far Away

When you were needed, I wasn't there

When I was hiding, you looked away

When you provided, I stole your trust

When I transformed, you stayed behind

When you loved, I qualified the reason

When I withheld, you built the wall

When you became numb, I kept the wounds fresh

When I understood, you were gone

I Understand Why They (Cancellara Strong-Armed The Peloton Into Protecting His Teammates) Did It But...

Come on!!!

I thought this was a race.


Monday, July 5, 2010

There's A Crack In The Mirror

"Mysticism is the mistake of an accidental and individual symbol for an universal one."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

What's New In Douchey?: The Sunday Ride...Flat Bar Roadie Haiku

In my draft for miles

Ditched his girl to attack me

Then I made him pay

Friday, July 2, 2010

The Best Three Weeks In Sports: TDF Predictions Sure To Go Wrong

10. Alexandre Vinokourov...If Contador is going to win, then A-Vin will need to be with him most of the way. His ego and talent are good for a top ten.

09. Robert Gesink...He deserves to be much higher, but his lack of experience and the uncertainty of team leader, Denis Menchov's form make this a safe pick.

08. Cadel Evans...I wanted to place the "Face Spinnaker" higher for all the obvious reasons, but his team ain't that good!

07. Levi Leipheimer...This may be the last go around for the "Li'l Bronze Medalist", and he still has the goods for a top ten placing on a powerhouse team.

06. Ivan Basso...The rejuvenated Basso has a top four team around him, but after a Giro win against second tier talent, a podium finish against this competition is unlikely.

05. Andreas Kloden...This guy gets top ten finishes at Grand Tours in his sleep. After getting hosed by Contador and Armstrong at last year's Tour and still managing to finish sixth, "AK47" is a good bet to do at least as well this year.

04. Roman Kreuziger...The real star of Liquigas has a chance to do great things at the Tour this year. Consistency has always been an issue, but a podium spot is not out of the question.

03. Andy Schleck...His results have not been that great lately and there is a long TT (His weakness) at Stage 20 that will probably decide the race. That being said, there are lots and lots of mountains on this year's route...and we all know that Andy can climb.

02. Frank Schleck...This is going to be the Tour for "Fleck". His form has been great this year, including much better results in TT stages, and Andy will die for him if it means a win for his older brother.

01. Alberto Contador...Duh!...But it ain't gonna be easy.

11 Hundy

Mongo did the SBFNR this evening...and it was a lot of fun. There were only eight of us, including two racer-chicks, and the pace was actually quite brisk.

My wounds are healing as fast as they do, and I still have quite a bit of inflammation in my lower leg and ankle, but LPE and I were able to "represent" and be respectable in a group of quality riders.

I probably would have received more accolades for my effort in lieu of my injuries had "Soon To Be Cat 3" MC-Lean not done the ride on flat pedals...wearing khaki shorts, boxers, sneakers, and a Smyrna Bicycles work shirt.

Two Guys One Cup

Hinault...(In French) "Ha, ha, ha. If he beats you, I will have you killed!"

Contador...(In Spanish) "Ha, ha, ha. You're like my crazy uncle, Francisco. Now get you're left hand off my ass!"


Time To Stop Fishing And Cut Bait...Or Something Like That

Due to the fact that my prognosticating skills are world-renowned and I am in a cutthroat, TDF Fantasy League, Mongo's official picks will not be posted until after midnight tonight...Though I don't want to give anything away, let's just say that "someone" isn't on my list.