Friday, October 31, 2008

...From The Chippewa On Down

"We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time".
(Terry Jacks)

Not Wearing That You're Not

Of the many non-negotiables in road cycling, depending on one's level of doucheyness, there is one that even Mongo will sign off on...No baggy/mt. bike shorts when riding a road bike.
Instead of getting into the nuance of the subject, let me just say that it looks ridiculous.
It doesn't matter if you are Ned Overend himself and are kicking my ass up every still look silly.
That being said, Mongo faced off against a feisty opponent yesterday who looked like a serious mt. biker who had borrowed his friend's Trek. Baggy shorts and all, he couldn't believe that I was able to catch him and then pull away.
After my poor showing on Monday, it was good to mix it up again.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Burn Down The Mission

”Brown dirt, green grass …a reflection in a puddle
No breeze, portrait sky…an absence of motion
Beauty in the gloom is absorbed through the pores
A crack in the pavement or a hole in the fence"

On A Steel Horse I Ride

Everyone knows that Mongo is an old-timey skater who tends to be stuck in his ways. There is one thing though that I will always embrace and encourage in anyone, young or old...and that's individuality. Whether you're a young punk or an old dude or dudette, if you carve your own path through life with dignity and respect for others, then you're Mongo's kind of person.

Skateboarders, particularly street skaters, are the last of a dying breed. In essence, they are urban and suburban cowboys...riding their steeds wherever the shred takes them. Accountable only to themselves and the occasional lawman, they canvas the landscape searching for the next session.

For the sake of everyone who values true freedom of expression, these artists cannot be fenced in and marginalized. They must be allowed to roam.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Well...I Suck

The final S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L. Hammerfest of the year started with an All-Star lineup and a great deal of enthusiasm...and it was cold. It ended with a split peleton and some confusion...and it got colder.
Mongo's riding was awful! The big climbs killed me and I was struggling not to get dropped early...and it was cold. I recovered later on, but by that time the group had split and we lost our mojo...and it was really cold.
Unfortunately, Mongo had to miss the post ride Pizzafest because...he(3rd person reference)had a booty call. Luckily, that went better for Mongo...I came second.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Go Ahead...I'll Be Over Here

It looks like El Pistolero has taken a step back, breathed in deeply, and realized that Mellow Johnny is going to sink or swim by himself...and that he better take care of his own business.

Contador has decided to skip his defense of the Giro and concentrate on his preparations for the '09 Tour. It just so happens that MJ will be competing in the Giro for the first time "ever", and it'll be his first major stage race of the year. Armstrong also hasn't committed yet on his intentions on racing in the Tour.

For a man who made his legacy through the TDF not to set his sights specifically on that race may at first seem odd, but I'm sure behind the scenes Bruyneel was working hard to cover his own, and MJ's, ass.

If Armstrong goes to the Giro and sucks, then LBM or AK47 can bail out Astana. The end result being that MJ won't participate in the Tour and Contador has the show all to himself...and hopefully MJ goes away again. But what happens if he kicks ass, or actually wins?

This scenario would be great for cycling, but bad for Astana. The potential soap opera of egos throughout the whole team would probably have self-destructive effects. Mongo can't wait!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Final Countdown

"It's on...Beeches!"

Don't They Have Valtrex In Japan?

If Mongo is going to accept the fact that pro cycling has become a revolving door of cheating and redemption, then I must also offer up a second chance to the once tainted who have served their time.
Riders such as David Millar and Tyler Hamilton have rebounded from scandal and suspension to achieve a measured level of success upon their return. Now it's time to see what happens with Ivan Basso.
Mongo has to admit that Basso was one of his favorite riders. Though he never tested positive for anything, his admission to an involvement with Operation Puerto sealed his fate. There was just no way he wasn't guilty of something. His suspension now over, Basso is back as the GC leader for Team Liquigas.
In his first race back, Basso finished third behind Damiano Cunego and Giovanni Visconti at the Japan Cup.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Throwing Nickels In A Wishing Well...

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Stop...Hammer Time

"Enough of this Sunday stroll....let's hurt a little!"
(Barry "The Cannibal" Muzzin)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

China White 350

“Lucid moments tapping at the window
Sketches of pain standing in the way
Understanding comes slowly for the reluctant hero
Striking a deal that can never be broken”

Monday, October 20, 2008

Hot Air For A Cool Breeze

A high-level decision was made last week during one of the secret Star Chamber meetings of the Skulls. With only two Monday rides left before the dreaded time change, it was decided that all remaining Hammerfesting would be done on the original A.D.M.V.V.L. circuit. To compensate for darkness, the rides would start 45 minutes earlier.
In today's action, a hot chick was dropped unmercifully by the peleton and Mongo stopped sprinting too soon...getting passed and taking third at the line.
Mongo is going with old-school, East German training methods for next Monday's final 'Fest of the season.

The Crystal Method Rocket Air

"I'm gonna be just like Christian Hosoi."

Kind Of Like Mothra

In what has been the fiercest three-way action since '99, when Mongo spent the weekend in Malibu with Janine Lindemulder and Savanna Samson, there has been a shake-up on the podium of countries that love Mongo.
Germany is holding a slim but firm grip on the number one spot. But in a late Summer surge, the United Kingdom has passed Canada for second place...and a newcomer to the premier league, Australia, is finding legs in Canada's draft.

Sharif Don't Like It...

Backside hand-plant tree-tap to fakie.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Working The Heavy Bag

It's almost time to put Ol' Lightnin' in the barn for the Winter, only to be brought out for special smackdowns, and turn my attention to my sturdier, more forgiving, and slightly heavier girlfriend...Li'l Pony Express.

She's like the "chunky" girl on the cross country first you can't believe your eyes and kind of chuckle, but then you notice she's kicking every one's ass.

Today, Mongo and LPE took down a "Livestrong Edition" Madone, and then tracked and defeated a Cervelo P3. There is no better look than a poseur realizing that he was just passed by a dude on a mountain bike going 24 mph.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Yeah...That's The Ticket

Mongodamus was perusing the start list yesterday of the teams and riders in this year's Giro di Lombardia, in hopes of making a final prediction in what is the final big-time pro race of the season.
The first thing that stood out to me was that Lampre was bringing World Champion, Alessandro Ballan, as well as two-time Lombardy winner Damiano Cunego...and teams like CSC were bringing, well, Jason McCartney.
I figured Ballan and Cunego would fight it out on their home turf...and I predicted to my cat, Snacks McGee, that Cunego would win.
Go ahead, ask him...he'll back me up.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Just Ignore The Smoke And Smile

“Not satisfied with compromise, the harmonica plays Edelweiss ….A voice buried deep in the chorus no more”

All The Leaves Are Brown...

Mongo is not a big fan of Winter. As far as seasons go, it has a lock on fourth place...missing a spot on the all important seasonal podium.

The days are shorter, the skies are's cold. It just doesn't jibe with what makes Mongo tick.

Oh, I've lived up north and I love to snow ski...and I played hockey, but there's something much more appealing to me about heat and sustained sunlight.

As Fall creeps toward Winter and the layers pile on, I'll be kept warm with the memories of the Summer gone by...and the anticipation of the Spring to come.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Faster Than Yngwie Malmsteen

With sunlight at a premium these days, the regular S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L. Hammerfest has been changed. With months of climbing behind us, the focus has switched to speed work.

Of course, the first thing you need when working on speed is a new name for the ride...The Monday ride will now be called the Smyrna Bicycles Silver Comet Trail Hold Your Line Hammerfest.

On the inaugural run yesterday, Boonen nipped Mongo at the line after a spirited final five miles of tight paceline action.

Monday, October 13, 2008

He 'Aint The Last

The latest, and possibly ugliest, rider to get busted for CERA is the recently mentioned Bernard Kohl. Sorry less wheel to suck.

"If it looks like a duck and acts like a duck, and comes out of nowhere to podium at the Tour...chances are it's a duck".

No Conscience...One Motive

Cadel told his bosses that if we was going to win the Tour in 2009, he couldn't do it by wheelsucking the top riders on other teams.

The team listened, heard, and obliged. They brought in Bernard Kohl, Phillipe Gilbert, and Thomas Dekker.

Happily now for Evans, he won't have to go outside his own team to get his wheelsuck on.

Will The Helmet Protect My Package?

One of the top bicycle "eventers" on the Smyrna Bicycles staff discusses hand position and dorky short-sleeved dress shirts prior to "eventing".

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Acorn Mine Field

I still feel crappy! Not sick...but more like drained. It's what I imagine I would feel like after going on the road with Motley Crue and then coming home to my girlfriend, Tera Patrick.
My point is this...
Be careful bombing hills on your skateboard this time of year. There's a lot of stuff dropping off the trees. If you lock up a wheel or your trucks at 30 mph...there will be blood!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Word To Your Mother

Mongo was officially draggin' ass today. An excessive amount of work and riding over the past week and a half are the culprits.

Thanks to some early morning rain, I was sure that there was no riding in store for me today...which was fine...because of the aforementioned ass draggin'. I was thinking maybe a little Home Depot, then some Publix, then some laundry, then a nap. It was going to be great. Then the sun came out...It shouldn't have mattered, but it did.

There's nothing worse than cycling guilt...Okay, maybe it's not as bad as drug/alcohol/where am I?/who are you?/ guilt...but it's pretty close. If it's sunny and nice outside and you have the time, if you're a true cyclist, you're going's an unwritten rule.

So, I ended up doing a fast 30 with the living legend herself...Diane. We put the smackdown on several racers as well as a fixed gear poseur. It was an enjoyable ride.

I really should have taken a nap though!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Free Fallin'

Shredding the Gnar...Old guy style!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Technically Speaking...

...Mongo won tonight's edition of the S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L. Hammerfest. There was a was contested...and Mongo crossed the line first. The reckless, Sonny Crockett style finish by Mongo, blatantly disregarding pedestrians and old people, may have scared some of my pursuers off but...I won!
Using my tried and true method of sandbagging early, finishing the climbs as close to last as possible, never going to the front, along with some genuine mechanical troubles...they never saw it coming.
I also have to say that this was the first Hammerfest in a very long time that Mongo hasn't been doped to the gills. Normally, my body is a cocktail of everything that could possibly be bad for you prior to riding near your maximum heart rate for an hour and a half.
Today, Mongo took the advice of an actual professional cyclist, who is on a team with uniforms and everything, and went solely with the product pictured above...I guess the shit worked!

LBM Is Getting Hosed

In what will probably be my last post this year concerning Levi Leipheimer, I felt it necessary to trumpet his plight as a cyclist before he resumes his off season job as the vocalist for Mongo's favorite band...Tool.

LBM is getting the shaft with Astana. (Don't even get me started about my boy, AK47) Anyway...with Contador, Kloden, Mellow Johnny, and maybe Vinokourov on the team, the only race Levi's going to win in the future is the Tour of California.

Leipheimer's been a great team player for many years, but his days on a bike at the highest level are numbered. He is at the top of his game and deserves the opportunity to see if he has a Grand Tour win left in him. An American team like Garmin or Columbia would be perfect.

Mongo is announcing today a new campaign that will hopefully allow this to happen. Ladies and gentlemen..."LET LEVI GO"

All correspondence in this matter can be addressed to...Team Astana c/o "The Weasel & The Russkies"

Here It Comes

Stefan "The angry German doper" Schumacher , along with Leonardo "I doped with Ricco" Piepoli, are the latest riders to be busted for CERA from this year's Tour.
Thanks for playing guys...we'll see you in two years.
I'll bet Fabian Cancellara is smiling right now.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Tales Of Brave Ulysses

"Well Mongo I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!"
(Jeff Spicoli)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Stay The F**k Away!

There seems to be a pattern developing here. At first I didn't see it, but now it is unavoidable. The level of deception and sleaziness that has enveloped the highest levels of pro cycling shows me that this sport is no closer to cleaning itself up than Major League Baseball was prior to being exposed by Jose Canseco and the Congressional hearings that followed.
Mellow Johnny is coming back...but he won't allow his own samples from '99(when everyone says he doped) to be re-tested. He also is promising a "transparent" comeback, but his personal "tester" has been questioned for using outdated methods and having conflict of interest concerns.
Alexander Vinokourov now says he wants to come back. Remember...he was disgraced in the 2007 Tour for blood doping and caused Astana to be banned from the 2008 event. Guess what?... That's cool! Vino has worked the system in his favor.
After being caught cheating in 2007, he was given a one year ban (not the normal two years that the U.C.I. usually hands out) by the Kazakh Cycling Federation...but then promptly retired. Since he was retired, the U.C.I. didn't appeal the ban for a stronger penalty because they figured why bother. They should have bothered!
Vinokourov has now served his "one" year ban and has decided to...Un-retire! And the beauty of it all is that he wants back on Astana. What makes this even sweeter is that Slim Shady Bruyneel might not have any say in the matter. You see, Vino is very well connected in Kazakhstan, and all it would take would be a phone call to put him back on the team.
Jan Ullrich has been questioned endlessly about a comeback of his own, especially since his main rival announced his return. Ullrich has always said that any comeback would be predicated on his past exploits and involvements not being pursued by cycling authorities. Since everyone knows he got away with "something" all those years, and he knows it as well, he 'aint comin' back.
This sport is not going to clean up until some third tier, disgruntled, fame seeking, weasel pro cyclist comes forward and breaks the first rule of Fight Club.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

On A Dark Desert Highway...

“Dancing in the flickering light
Trying to touch the ghost of a ghost
Looking above for whispers from Heaven
Speaking the words without waiting for conviction”

Thinning The Herd

The Sorrento was dismantled today...A sign o' the times!

We Produce Winners

One of the most talented members of S.B.A.D.M.V.V.L. Hammerfest peleton recently left for broaden his mind, learn responsibility, nail hot chicks, and drink beer. It's a wonderful right of passage for those lucky enough to be able to experience it.
Unfortunately, he's gone and screwed this up already by becoming a member of his school's cycling team. Not just any team...but the defending Division II National Champions from Furman University.
Guys with shaved legs vs. Hot sorority girls with shaved legs...and stuff. Hmmmm?!
Just kidding Jimmy...Represent!

Sunshine On My Shoulder...

In the pursuit of joy in Mongo's life, a beautiful day spent on a ride and a shred is a day well spent.