First And Meade

Fresh from a successful campaign in '83, as the number one starter for the Santo Domingo Jankees of the Dominican League, Mongo went on to college and was virtually "unhittable" for years.

Belgian Waffler

Mongodamus had a down year in '08 with his prognosticating. As a matter of fact, if anyone named Vito comes looking for me, tell him I moved to "the islands."

With the '09 season right around the corner, there's no better way to clean the slate than with my first bold prediction.

Breakthrough Rider Of The Year*...Stijn Devolder

*(As long as he doesn't abandon the Tour again like a little girl)

Florida Haiku: NPW

Crossroads in our lives

The joy of the adventure

A smile touched my soul

Just An Observation

Based on his posture, blank stare, and gas station quality "El Pistolero" logo hat, I think it's safe to say that the guy on the right can't f***ing stand the guy on the left.

My Eyes Really Suck: Part Dew

So there I was this afternoon, out for a fast 30 on the Silver Comet Trail, when I had to pull over momentarily for a quick rear derailleur barrel adjustment.

I was re-mounting Ol' Lightnin' when a guy flew past me on a TT bike. Of course I had to give chase...but as I drew closer, I thought I recognized both the bike and the rider. I formulated a plan to draft unnoticed, and then drop the hammer and give him shit as I passed.

This would have been a great plan except...it wasn't my friend on his Blue T16 that I'd been following for two miles...rather, some random dude on a Cervelo P2C.

I've aged ten years in the past week!

Banana Seat Casanova

"S'up baby...You wanna take a ride on my chopper?"

Papa Needs A New Pair Of Shoes

Mongo retires the Vision kicks and gets a pair of new-school Vans for the upcoming '09 S.B.F. season.

(Mine are all black with white trim and laces)

Holy Crap...It's Happened

Over Mongo's brief history of time on this planet, I have been very lucky in regards to illness and serious injury. Knock on wood, that will continue, but there are still many unavoidable byproducts of aging. Though hair loss and dick stiffness seem to be at the forefront of our society's collective consciousness,(Sorry Alzheimer's!) I want to talk about eyesight...Mine!

After years of denial, and a group intervention on my behalf, Mongo purchased his first pair of reading glasses. I couldn't ignore the fact that reading and working on the computer were straining my eyes. When a friend of mine let me try her glasses, it was amazing how much better I was able to see up close... I had forgotten what clear vision looked like.

Of course...I had to get the black, Titanium, wire-rimmed model. I'm pretty sure the frame is made by Lynskey.

3000 MPG

"The bicycle is the perfect transducer to match man's metabolic energy to the impedance of locomotion. Equipped with this tool, man outstrips the efficiency of not only all machines but all other animals as well."

(Ivan Illich)

Funkmaster Z-Flex

It was only a matter of time...

Mongo predicts an early, Latino domination of the Neon-Lowrider skateboarding scene... Until, inevitably, the Japanese decide that they want in, and go all "Tokyo Drift" on their culos.

What's In A Name?

It's name has been used for a Heavy Metal rock festival as well as a certain Bike shop group ride. Literally translated, it means..."Rocks that are good for tying up ships."

Hammerfest, Norway.

Bringin' the noise since 1838!

Tuck In Your Shirt

"Officer...I know that to you I may look like a no-good punk, who's probably on the dope...but I can assure you that I am, actually, a Professional skateboarder."

He Looks Like More Of A Hawk Guy

J.C. hittin' the slappy rail at the White-Pearl skatepark.

The Kid's Got Style...But He's A Little Hairy

Easily...the best Judo-Air kickflip ever caught on camera...indoors...at an unsanctioned event...by a non professional.

Superman Air To Bar Spin 540

Mele Kalikimaka

Speaking Of Training...

"It never gets easier...you just go faster."

(Greg LeMond)

The Wrath Of Khan

Though heavily camouflaged, here is a spy photo of the 2010 Hybrid SUV from Chrysler... mandated under the Federal bailout agreement.

In the spirit of the legendary Cordoba, the driver's seat is made from only the finest "Corinthian" leather.

Cycling Apparel Or Snuff Film Accessory?

Six brave members of the Smyrna Bicycles crew suffered the thirty five degree temperatures today and got a sneak peak at the '09 "To Be Named Later" Hammerfest route. They were...Boonen, Mongo, Irish Brian, Jello, Clay, and Young Jimmy.

A new points system takes effect next year, involving Sprints and KOM. So unless Mongo can lobby successfully for some kind of age/weight/drug use/ handicap, I'll be battling for fifth place points all year...if I'm lucky.

The new loop is great...Fast and technical, without the severe, spirit-crushing climbs from this year's route, but instead, longer sustained rises that force you to either sit and spin or stand and hammer.

Trannycross

That right, Lars...you're only two breasts away from looking like "Ice" from American Gladiators.

These Words Ring Hollow...

“My dreams expose the chaos in my mind
My vessel seeks a harbor but the sextant fights the clouds
My heart is filled with longing for the love I think I need
My soul has been touched by God yet uncertainty remains”

A Name In Your Recollection

Funny!...Here

Russian Internet Hormones

Mongo rolled up on a couple of dudes today on the back half of a very cold 35 miles. What struck me immediately, as I pulled along side them, was that they looked like Penn & Teller... on S-Works Tarmacs.

Fat and huge, and short and tiny, were both wearing Caisse d'Epargne kits and riding red and black Specialized bikes...it truly was an odd sight. Anyway, I was drawn specifically to Teller's bike, because he happened to be rockin' Rotor cranks.

If your not familiar with Rotors, the technology is very similar to Biopace, except it costs five times as much, and instead of oval chainrings, you get tangential crank arms. Sweet, huh?

I won't bore you with the details of the science behind Rotor cranks and Biopace chainrings other than to say this...If there was one shred of provable evidence that either technology was even slightly better or more efficient through the entire range of gears, then every professional cyclist would use them. (R.I.P. Bobby Julich's Biopace chainrings...The last Thylacine is dead!)

The Trees Will Bend

"People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.”

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I Am Not A Crook

The technically difficult, and rarely used, Richard Nixon victory celebration.

Good Times

This picture reminds me of the night I was doing "brown-brown" with a tribal warlord in Liberia.

Freedom From Choice Is What You Want

“When I strayed they followed… but there was no understanding

Separated from a heritage of fear and confusion
Unfairness spread with equal thickness on anyone close to the jar
Inevitable or avoidable…do you know how to listen?”

Mongo's Future Wife

Mongo is a sucker for a hot chick with a British accent. Luckily for me, I've scored the trifecta with all of the above...and she's a World and Olympic Champion cyclist.

"Hmmm....Victoria Pusher...Victoria Pendleton-Pusher...Victoria Pusher-Pendleton...it doesn't matter."

Seven In Dog Years

Mongo Pusher would like to thank everyone who has participated in my self-indulgent rabble over the past year.

I look forward to providing you with more rabble in the future.

It's Not The Arrow...It's The Indian

There's a funny thing that all road cyclists do when they get passed. We look at the bike before we look at the rider. It's as if we are looking for an excuse for our performance based on equipment. If they're riding a Time VXR with Zipp 404's, then you don't feel so bad. But if it's a rusty Univega with clip-on aero bars, flat pedals, and a gel seat cover, well...you've got bigger problems.

Old Timey Metal

There's nothing sadder than watching a bunch of dorky, forty-somethings, sitting around on TV discussing Heavy Metal music with musicians, who themselves, are at least in their fifties. Actually, what's even sadder, is that I've managed to catch all four episodes of the new "That Metal Show" on VH1 Classic. (It's actually a pretty good show...Jim Florentine is hilarious)

I have to face the fact that I am also one of the relic metalheads from the '80's, who if given the opportunity, will gladly listen to Lita Ford babble about stupid shit because...she rocks!...and I still want to bang her.

Hah Row

After almost a year to the day since it's inception, Mongo has decided to change the cover page and infuse some "zazz" into this blog.

Sure, there was symbolism in the old photo, and the new one represents certain things known only to Mongo himself, but..."ain't the cullers purdy?"

Taken By The Seamless Vision

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."

(Henry David Thoreau)

The Spirit Of Cousteau

For all that the Internet is or isn't, everyone can agree that this reverse-engineered alien technology is a magical tool for information gathering and topical exploration.

Such was the case today when I went to the Zero Gravity website to "gather information" on their new Gravitas carbon fiber brakes. Already the makers of some of the coolest, lightest, and most expensive CNC brakes on the market, ZG now makes the coolest, lightest, and most expensive carbon fiber brakes as well. At 156 grams per pair, these bad boys will only set you back one large and two bills...that's $1200.00 for those of you not familiar with hip street lingo. Anyway, my point is this...

When I was on the Zero Gravity website, which is very smooth and has a a vibe like a Tool video, I noticed several links to other projects by ZG owner, Ted Ciamillo. At forty years old, Ciamillo is an inventor, an entrepreneur, an engineer, a visionary, and very rich.

He has parlayed his ZG fortune into the study and development of underwater propulsion. Using the science of Biomimetics, which allows man-made systems to replicate the movements of Dolphins and Whales, Ciamillo has already invented, and has planned, some amazing things.

If you want to check out some cool shit, click...Here

15x2+34-18+4x8

The orange and white street barricades pushed to the side of the road should have been the one and only warning I needed...but I rolled in anyway.

Mongo doesn't like to brag, but I am easily the premier suburban-backcountry-freeride skateboarder in my neighborhood. I am obligated to shred the gnar at high speeds and under all sketchy conditions. My street cred is constantly being judged by joggers, dog walkers, amazed old people, and the occasional hot chick.

After two days of back to back cycling, in very cold weather and on a new saddle that's not dialed in yet, I was feeling sluggish, lazy, and sore when I got up today. My plan was to watch TV, eat, nap, and repeat if necessary.

Then I started watching the 2008 Pro-Tec Pool Party on Fuel...and it was on! Nothing gets me more hyped to skate than watching legends and pros shred the Van's combi-pool. Miller and Cab dominated the veterans, while Glifberg and Hassan led the pros. But it was the full body slam by announcer and former pro, Dave Duncan, after getting hung up on a roll-in, that made me want to bundle up and skate. If this forty five year old fat guy can walk it off and continue shredding, then I had no excuses.

Everyone's Drinking The Kool-Aid

This will be my last post on the "Mellow Johnny comeback"... until we see some race results.

I am sick and tired of everyone from Levi to Popovych to Bruyneel, and now even my boy AK47, jumping on his jock.

Armstrong has been nothing but smug since joining Astana. He pre-supposes that because he is not being paid for his services, and that he is wearing his Livestrong kit for training and photo ops (Cancer Awareness), that no one will think he's a douchebag for walking into someone else's house and re-arranging the furniture to suit his own taste.

It Only Took Thirty Two Years...

...but we'll take it!

ECU-27

Tulsa-24

The East Carolina Pirates are the champions of Conference-USA.

If You Don't Hear From Me Again...

...It's because I'm about to go riding in sub-freezing weather.

Though it goes against everything I stand for, being cold and miserable for starters, Mongo is obligated to get in a ride this morning because...I'm getting fat!(ter)

I will leave a trail of breadcrumbs and tears in case anyone needs to look for me.

When The Mic Is Off

"Heh, heh...just remember that I can snap you in two, you little Mexican."

"Huh... Que dices?... Soy Espanol!"

"Whatever papi, I've got my eye on you."

What Was Wrong With Giant?

Team Columbia check out their sweet new Scott rides at the opening day of training camp in Spain.

And Here We Go

Contador...Leipheimer...Kloden...Armstrong.

We are witnessing the genesis of what will become the greatest soap-opera in pro cycling...ever!

I really hope AK47 goes renegade, "Bandit Style", and screws up Bruyneel's plan to toss Mellow Johnny's salad all the way to more fame and fortune.

What's With The Dancing Bear Tramp Stamp?

Appearing in what might become the benchmark photograph for the ugliest combination of team kit, bike color, facial hair, and full body tattoos ever rocked by a professional cyclist...Kayle Leogrande, of the "Here to stay"(For now) Rock Racing Team, gets a two year suspension for EPO.

Ha...Ha...Ha

I love this one...

The only man in pro cycling who can make Johan Bruyneel look like a less "weasely" option as a Team Director, learns firsthand that Karma is a bitch.

Saxo Bank-IT Factory just lost the ITF part of their sponsorship because... the company had to file for bankruptcy because...the President of IT Factory disappeared in Dubai with eighty five million dollars embezzled from the company.

I'm thinking that a fatter, balder, Mathew Mcconaughhey would be perfect to play Riis in the movie.

Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Desert

“The screen door opens and a pathway becomes clear
The smell and taste of yesterday… did I ever care?
The inevitable failure that fear haunts with success
The boy in the bubble…enabled or blessed?”

It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

Two of the greatest skateboarders of all time "ripping" the Soul Bowl in Rio a couple of weeks ago. Christian Hosoi with his trademark rocket air, and Steve Caballero with a massive frontside air.

Mongo respects both of the guys immensely...skating talent aside.

Booty Sweat

Every serious road cyclist out there knows that there's no better feeling on your bike than to have your saddle dialed in properly.

Oh, you can have a professional fitting where measurements are taken, angles and positions are set, and money leaves your wallet, but true satisfaction only comes after a nightmarish, OCD obsession, manifesting itself in hundreds of micro-adjustments over an infinite period of time. Until finally...it's perfect!

Mongo affectionately calls this..."A little slice of Heaven." No matter what else is going on with your riding that day, ass problems won't be a factor.

Mongo's been rocking a Specialized Alias saddle for a couple of years. Once it got dialed in, I never had a problem with it. It was the perfect combination of a light race saddle with just enough padding. Then I crashed a couple of times, broke the saddle, repaired the saddle with electrical tape and Macgyver know-how, and eventually lost my "little slice of Heaven."

I've known for a while that I need a new saddle, but I haven't really wanted to drop a hundy on on a new Alias...with times being tough and all. So what did I do?

Mongo, as always, found himself a deal. Being a Masters cyclist, my prostate and my package are always a priority when choosing a saddle. For that reason, I am a lifetime Specialized user. Unfortunately, I am not made of money, so economics always play a factor in my cycling purchases.

I got myself a Specialized Phenom saddle.(Pictured above) It is based on the Toupe, but is marketed as a racing MTB saddle. It is lighter that the Alias, but with cro-mo rails versus the ti rails found on the Alias. The only way to make up for the weight is to remove practically all the padding. This sucker is hard as a rock. My butt hasn't been this uncomfortable since someone slipped me a mickey at Backstreets in '97.

Oh well. As a famous French philosopher once said..."If you ain't sufferin', you ain't cyclin'."

Where's Snuffleupagus?

"Our father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done. On earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; And forgive us our debts As we have forgiven our debtors; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, And the power, And the glory, Forever....Amen."

Shredtastic

As the only action sports outlet on television, Fuel TV has to be all things to all people. Because of this, the message gets diluted and the product suffers.

That being said, there are a few gems to be found in this pile of rubble.

My second favorite show on Fuel, behind Drive, (W/ Mike Vah-la-lee. Not Va-lay-lee...for all you young punks out there) is Built To Shred.

Jeff King and his crew prove every week that any obstacle can be made skateable, and most importantly, fun.