The Way It's Supposed To Be

(Photo:CyclingNews)

Dave Z has gotten rid of his porn 'stache, his hippie attitude, his fifth-place finishes, and replaced them with a serious focus on winning races that we haven't seen in years. Though Mongo is a big fan of both porn and hippies, I am happy to see DZ doing what he does best...having the best TT position of anyone in the world, and representing the USA as National Champion.

Facts Trump Fiction

Mongo watched the entire 60 Minutes segment with Tyler Hamilton recounting his doping relationship with Mellow Johnny and US Postal "back in the day". What did I learn?...Nothing that I didn't already believe to be true. It was what happened next that got me thinking.

I turned the channel to watch the conclusion of the Tour of California...which was ultimately won by American, Chris Horner. Mongo likes C-Horn...and therein lies the problem. All my natural skepticism and doubt about heroic performances never came to mind as I watched Horner wrap up the title.

Chris Horner will be 40 years old this year and he just won a major stage race against a world-class field. This is the biggest victory of his career, at 40, and he works for the same Director and team structure that cloaked Mellow Johnny and Tyler Hamilton . Hmmm?

I hope Horner is clean. Statistics, logic, and good old common sense say otherwise.

Under The Bus: Throwing Mellow Johnny

Eveyone likes being right...and Mongo is no exception. To know that what is true for you is true for all mankind is a sign of genius...says my good friend, Hank Thoreau. So, what I'm trying to say is that Mongo is a genius.

Why, you might ask? Well, because I've been saying for years on this very blog that MJ is a smug, lying, cheater, who would eventually get his comeuppance. Most have defended him, but Mongo knew there were many skeletons is his missing ball closet.

Now it looks like professional doper, and Kelly Leak lookalike, Tyler Hamilton, is about to go on 60 Minutes and admit to witnessing and participating in illicit activities with MJ back in the US Postal days...such as injecting EPO, blood transfusions, and surprisingly, killing a hooker and burying her in the desert.

Courtesy Of L'Equipe

Let Mongo Break it down for you...

(0-1) You're clean
(2-5) Questionable abnormalities/ probably doping
(6-10) Definitely doping


0... Mario Aerts, Yukiya Arashiro, Stephane Augé, Michael Barry, Francesco Bellotti, Jose Alberto Benitez, Edvald Boasson Hagen, Lars Boom, Maxime Bouet, Pavel Brutt, Fabian Cancellara, Manuel Cardoso, Dries Devenyns, Samuel Dumoulin, Julien El Farès, Simon Gerrans, Anthony Geslin, Bert Grabsch, Christopher Horner, Robert Hunter, Kristjan Koren, Burt Lancaster, David Le Lay, Christophe Le Mével, Adriano Malori, Koes Moerenhout, Amael Moinard, Lloyd Mondory, Damien Monier, Juan Jose Oroz, Remi Pauriol, Mathieu Perget, Gregory Rast, Mark Renshaw, Nicolas Roche, Jurgen Roelandts, Pierre Rolland, Anthony Roux, Jeremy Roy, Mathieu Sprick, Rein Taaramae, Sebastien Turgot, Niki Terpstra, Brian Vandborg, Kristof Vandewalle, Ivan Velasco, Thomas Voeckler, Fabian Wegmann, David Zabriskie

1... Marcus Burghardt, Sandy Casar, Anthony Charteau, Sylvain Chavanel, Julian Dean, Mickael Delage, Martin Elmiger, Johannes Fröhlinger, Jakob Fuglsang, Robert Gesink, Xavier Florencio, Adam Hansen, Ryder Hesjedal, George Hincapie, Andreas Klier, Roger Kluge, Alexander Kuchinsky, Daniel Lloyd, Mirco Lorenzetto, Martijn Maaskant, Aitor Pérez, Alan Pérez, Jerome Pineau, Ruben Plaza, Alexandre Pliuschin, MaartenTjallingii, Rafael Valls, Maarten Wynants

2... Eros Capecchi, Mark Cavendish, Stephen Cummings, Remy Di Gregorio, Arkaitz Duran, Mathias Frank, Oscar Freire, John Gadret, Francesco Gavazzi, Volodymir Gustov, Thor Hushovd, Christophe Kern, Thomas Löfkvist, Sebastien Minard, Daniel Navarro, Grischa Niermann, Stuart O'Grady, Rubén Pérez, Christophe Riblon, Thomas Rohregger, L. L. Sanchez, Carlos Sastre, Fränk Schleck, Simon Spilak, Bram Tankink, Stijn Vandenbergh, Benoit Vaugrenard, Jens Voigt, Eduard Vorganov

3... Ivan Basso, Grega Bole, Brent Bookwalter, Dimitri Champion, Gerald Ciolek, Rui Costa, Damiano Cunego, Mauro Da Dalto, Francis De Greef, Markus Eibegger, Imanol Erviti, Tyler Farrar, Fabio Felline, Juan Antonio Flecha, Maxim Iglinskiy, Vasil Kiryienka, Roman Kreuziger, Matthieu Ladagnous, Robbie McEwen, Maxime Monfort, Sergio Paulinho, Joaquin Rodriguez, Andy Schleck, Chris Anker Sörensen, Sylvester Szmyd, Paolo Tiralongo, Amets Txurruka, Johan Van Summeren, Gorka Verdugo, Charles Wegelius

4... Lance Armstrong, Janez Brajkovic, Bernhard Eisel, Cadel Evans, Pierrick Fédrigo, Juan Manuel Garate, Andriy Grivko, Jesus Hernandez, Ignatas Konovalovas, Sebastian Lang, Levi Leipheimer, David Millar, Daniel Moreno, Serge Pauwels, Manuel Quinziato, Luke Roberts, Samuel Sanchez, Christian Vande Velde, Nicolas Vogondy

5... Alessandro Ballan, Matti Breschel, Alberto Contador, Cyril Gautier, Inaki Isasi, Sergei Ivanov, Vladimir Karpets, Alexandr Kolobnev, Karsten Kroon, Steve Morabito, Benjamin Noval, Jose Rojas, Nicki Sörensen, Alexander Vinokourov, Bradley Wiggins

6... Linus Gerdemann, Christian Knees, Egoi Martínez, Alessandro Petacchi, Francesco Reda, Mauro Santambrogio, Geraint Thomas

7... Jeremy Hunt, Andreas Klöden, Tony Martin, Christophe Moreau, Michael Rogers, Wesley Sulzberger

8... David De la Fuente, Ivan Gutiérrez, Danilo Hondo, Matthew Lloyd, Iban Mayoz, Dmitriy Muravyev, Rinaldo Nocentini, Daniel Oss, Kevin Seeldraeyers, Kanstantsin Siutsou, Jurgen Van Den Broeck

9... Denis Menchov

10... Carlos Barredo,Yaroslav Popovych

This Is Embarrassing

(Photo:Bettini/CyclingNews)

The only innocent person in this photo is the little girl on the bottom right...and I can't even prove that for sure. As far as I know, she might be like the character in the movie "The Orphan"...a thirty-something, Eastern European gypsy, masquerading as a cute child. Who really knows these days in the world of Pro cycling?

What I do know is that the two podium girls surrounding Alberto "The Pistol Is In The Pinto" Contador are dirty! (Spelled with a "U" and two "R's") They are looking at each other like a couple of strippers who are about to do something naughty...with each other. Contador is just the poor schlep who is stuck paying for the champagne and cocaine. Trust me, Mongo knows strippers!

Anyway, Contador is leading, and will probably win, the Giro d'Italia with a doping case pending on appeal. Should the CAS rule against Contador, then all his results from the date of the Clenbuterol-tainted urine sample onward will probably be negated. That would include this Giro d'Italia. Woo Hoo! I'll bet the race organisers are thrilled.

Wouter Weylandt: Haiku

Cycling is our blood

Descending through seasons past

That he could be me

Saddle Up...It's Gonna Be Mediocre

Is it me, or does the field at this year's Giro d'Italia seem kinda weak? As far as Mongo can calculate, there are nine guys that can win the race...and if my life depended on it, probably only three. Add to this the lack of depth on most of the big teams, and it really seems like the GC guys will have to do it mostly alone. There aren't too many "super-domestiques" tagging along for the ride.

I'd like to think that this depleted field bodes well for the upcoming Tour of California. It would be nice to host a truly world-class field in an event that rivals the bigger stage races in Europe. I do know that all of the American teams have sent scrubs to Italy and will be "represent'n" hardcore at the TOC. So...that leaves us with who we're left with. These are the guys who can win the race...but won't.

Michele Scarponi (Lampre)...Usually at least one Italian is on the podium/ He's as good as any of the second-tier guys.

Tiago Machado (RadioShack)...Definitely has the potential/ "Nobody" to support him.

Danilo DiLuca (Katusha)...Not the best rider on team/ Will be a good second fiddle.

Carlos Sastre (Geox)...Team has something to prove/ Same situation as DiLuca.

Roman Kreuziger (Astana)...Weak team/ Better TT riders in the field.

These are the guys who should win the race...and one of them will.

Vincenzo Nibali (Liquigas)...Defending Vuelta champion/ Always solid.

Juaquin Rodrigez (Katusha)...Had a great Spring/ Has DiLuca.

Denis Menchov (Geox)...Former Champion/ Has Sastre/ Has all the tools.

Alberto Contador (Saxo Bank)...The total package including the dope.

Epilogue...At least the sprinting should be good with Cavendish, Petacchi, and Farrar in the field.

I Can't Believe It's May Already

Though the posts are fewer and farther between, that doesn't mean that Mongo isn't keeping up with what's going on around me. With the Giro fast approaching in a couple of days, I'll be getting back to predictions and analysis very soon.

Mongo's own cycling performances have been hit and miss lately. Allergies and general sickness have plagued my "Cat 5 Domination" for the past few weeks. One day I might feel strong, and the next day I'm hacking up a small puppy from my lungs and my eyes feel like they've been sandblasted.

I have had some good rides along the way, though. The 23/2300 Hammerfest is back in action with more guys joining the peloton who are better climbers than Mongo, which shouldn't surprise anyone, but my overall fitness continues to improve and occasionally I can still get in the mix. Add to this the supplemental "Enemy Bike Shop" rides, both the Cat 6/7 and the "Big Boy", which our team continues to dominate, and I'm quite happy with how Mongo's Spring campaign has gone so far.

This past Saturday was a big day for the entire Smyrna Bicycles crew. In the morning, many of us participated in the second annual, "Mike E Memorial Ride". Though Mike is not dead, and is actually getting in "Super Colorado" shape, I think the name is catchy and I wanted to trademark it just in case there was a horrific hot tub accident at his mountain-top chalet.

That evening we were all lucky enough to attend the nuptials of teammates, Kinga and Tom. The bride looked beautiful, Tom looked happy, and there was entertainment a plenty courtesy of Snow Bunny. It was a good time.

Stay tuned for my Giro thoughts and reports.

It's Been A While: Let's Talk About Me

Though Mongo is close to getting a new computer, it hasn't happened yet. So...I am forced to use my phone or break into my neighbor's house when I want to write my blog. As you can imagine, this is tedious at best.

I am retiring the prognosticating skills of "Mongodamus" for a while. After going a combined one for nine in my podium predictions for San Remo, Flanders, and Roubaix, it's time to take a little rest and recharge my mojo. I will say that even though my mojo is faltering, my "Juice" is still flowing. After a shout-out to Phillipe Gilbert here, he has gone on to have a strong Spring campaign including yesterday's win at the Amstel Gold.

BTW...I still think it's extremely fishy that Fabian Cancellara comes up with these heroic performances every year during the E3, Flanders, and Roubaix stretch. If it ain't a motor, it's the dope!

I will say though, that this has been one of the most entertaining Pro Cycling seasons in a long time. There are plenty of stars, young and old, who are worth rooting for, and the racing itself has been very exciting.

As for Mongo and his cycling exploits...it's going pretty well so far this Spring. I am continuing my domination of the Cat 6/7 "Enemy Bike Shop" ride with seven consecutive podiums...and have even brought my teammates into the mix by leading out Ian and Andy to victory the past two weeks. When Mongo has stepped it up to the Cat 2/3/4/5 "Big Boy" ride, I have managed to hang tough and not get dropped. My new RC7 has a lot to do with this, but my continued cross training on the trainer and mountain bike is also reason for my success.

The 23/2300 Hammerfest is still where Mongo has some work to do. I have said many times that this course of primarily climbing doesn't suit me at all. Though true, I'm not using it as an excuse. (Ok, maybe sometimes!) My climbing has improved solidly, and I'm focusing on areas of the course to exploit my strengths. The final Sprint is where I'm going to make hay.

Last week Mongo found himself in a solo breakaway with less than a mile to go. No one respected me, for good reason, and let me go. You see, a week earlier I did the same thing and was caught by the peloton very early. They expected the same thing this time. Instead, Mongo dug deep and made it to the final 50 metres (European for yards) before being passed by "Party Pooper" Mark, who thwarted Mongo's rare shot at victory. The peloton won't let this scenario happen again, so I'll have to figure out a different strategy.

It's Cool Not To Be Stupid

Back On Track: Predictions Sure To Go Wrong

Write this down!...

1: Thor Hushovd
2: Juan Antonio Flecha
3: George Hincapie

AK47 Update: "I Won, Bitches!"...Or As They Say In German, "Eye Vun, Beeches!"

(Photo:CyclingNews)

How about some love for the "Teflon Don" of doping scandals on his GC win at the Vuelta A Pais Vasco. This is Kloden's best season in a long time, and with no Contador or Armstrong to drag around, he is showing once again that he is one of the best stage racers in the world.

Welcome back, Chris Horner! After a renaissance season last year, he is back on form and will be a force to be reckoned with this summer. Mongo hates pulling for RadioShack, but with Americans like Horner and the "Li'l Bronze Medalist" on the team, along with one of my original "Guys" in Kloden, I'll be following them with interest at the TDF.

There Is No Finish Line

As an admitted self-absorbed, sociopathic, narcissistic, smart, handsome, charming, and most importantly, honest individual, it always bothers me when I do stupid shit.

Such is the case with my cycling as of late. I have been doing what is called "resting on my laurels". And since my laurels weren't that great to begin with, it is a bad trap in which to fall.

Mongo has started reading his own press and seemingly forgotten what hard work and sacrifice it took to whip my skills into mid-peloton shape. I am enjoying my improvements, but unless I re-focus on my diet and training, it will all be for naught.

That being said, Mongo had a solid ride today on the MNR route with "Doo Doo" Brown...and with two strong night sessions this week on the trainer and two more days of riding this weekend, I'm feeling good about the 23/2300 Hammerfest on Monday.