Saturday, May 29, 2010

You Down With LPE?(Yeah You Know Me) Two Smackdowns And A One Inch Staple: The Saturday Ride

Mongo is finally about 99% healthy and ready to get serious about getting serious. I have decided that another hunger strike on the Ben & Jerry's for the month of June is necessary to jumpstart the process. My imported Italian "B-Hammocks" have been fitting a little tight lately.

Along with the anarchy in my diet, Mongo is committed to more mileage. I used to do many more long rides than I do these days. Though the intensity and difficulty of my rides are more frequent now, my foundation has a few cracks in it. Today Mongo planned a strong 50 on LPE.

I stopped by the shop on my way out to chat with "Shady" and "MC-Lean", who is recovering from his peloton-clearing crash at the "Alley Cat" Criterium on Thursday night, and then headed down the Silver Comet Trail. It wasn't long before I was forced to lay down the smack.

Two guys on Treks with super-gay Primal Wear jerseys cruised past me like they were pretending to be serious. I knew of course that they weren't...based solely on the jerseys. The only trouble was that there were two of them and one of me...and they were working together like a couple of Kazakhs on the dope. It took me a while, but I was finally able to drop them. Thank goodness...I could never have looked myself in the mirror if I had lost to the Trek bike/Nashbar short/Primal Wear jersey combo.

The effort took a little more out of me than I had planned, so I turned around at 20 miles rather than 25. I wasn't looking for any more action, but as you know by now, Mongo never backs away from from a "Douchedown".

About six miles from the end, I got passed by "another" Trek. This time it was a TT rig... and it was piloted by an older dude, a lot like Mongo, who I could tell was serious. The reason I could tell was because he looked at me with the same disregard and lack of concern that Mongo uses when I pass people. In his mind, I posed no threat...and that really pissed me off. Nothin' like a taste of your own medicine every once in a while to use as motivation.

I should give myself a little break when I'm on LPE. I should be satisfied that I can handle pretty much any road bike or TT bike on the trail with a seven speed mountain bike, and if I was on the Sub-18 these contests wouldn't be a contest...but I never am.

I had to use every trick in the book to keep up with the TT guy. He had a great aero position on the bike and never let up. I had to maintain 24+ for several miles. I finally got him with some stoplight shenanigans. I faded behind him as we approached an intersection. He slowed down and unclipped as the light was red at the time, but I knew it was about to change so I accelerated.

I timed it perfectly! Mongo hit the intersection at full speed just as the light changed. TT guy didn't know what hit him. I went all out for four miles down in the Speed Bars and never looked back. Good the very end he was only about 100 yards behind me. You don't always have to be the fastest to win.

On the way home, feeling good about myself, I got a flat tire. It turned out to be a big-ass metal staple...and I didn't really recall riding through a construction site. Since I was under a mile from my house and the tire was cut, I decided not to change the tube and just walk the bike home. And guess what happened? Someone actually stopped to see if I wanted a ride. Of the hundred or so cars that passed me, one guy took it upon himself to offer help without being asked.

Of course, Mongo turned down the ride. I was almost home and the guy looked like a child molester...but at least he offered.

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